IVF 3 Updates

So I've been lax in posting my Stims details.  Needless to say, it's going well.

Cycle Day 6 - Stims Day 4 (last Thursday)

e2  - 644
Prog - 0.5
Follicles
Left: 6 between 10 and 13 mm
Right: 1 @ 11mm 7 @ 10mm

Cycle Day 8  - Stims Day 6 (Saturday)
I've got this one written down at home, so I don't have the exact numbers
e2 - 1600ish
Prog - 0.7

Follicles
Left: 1 @ 16 + 5 more
Right 1 @ 15 + 5 more

Cycle Day 10 - Stims Day 8  (Today)

No lab values yet - I promise they're coming (I do want to track for my own future reference if nothing else)

Follicles
A whole bunch.  Largest ones are in the 20 range.  I'm looking at probably one more day of stims and then trigger tomorrow.  there weren't many at 20, so I think they'll probably want to let them cook one more day.  And that's what the doctor implied during my ultrasound this morning.  We're getting close to the home stretch.

When I look back at the last micro flare cycle - this is looking about the same.  I started off with a couple more countable follicles this time (maybe that means I'll have a few more eggs to work with?  So, it feels good and it feels bad.  We got a good crop of eggs last time, and 7 of them ended up fertilizing, but none were transferable...  THAT REALLY SUCKS, and I don't want to go there again.

Other than that.  I'm doing pretty good.  Jakobe and I had a weekend out.  We went and stayed in the Davenport Hotel, spent a lot of time reconnecting with each other, and ti's probably a good thing, cause the last couple of weeks have been pretty rocky for us.  The IVF itself is a lot easier(Mostly because I don't deem to be a hormonal, moody, emotional train wreck!)

Last time about this time I told you all I felt like the Sta-Pufft Marshmallow Man.  It's true.  I have another way I've been describing it this time:

  Imagine that you have to fart - really fart - and you just can't.  You can feel everything built up in your belly, and it's just not going anywhere.  Yep - that's where I am.

I'll get you the final update on what day 10 really looks like a bit later.

All around the mulberry bush...

I wrote a whole post about how my marriage is falling apart, and we're doing IVF anyway, but decided that it was too depressing, and rambling and not at all funny.  Given the subject, I wonder why...

SO on the sunnier side of things.  My meds are here, I had my first cycle ultrasound this morning, and I think I had 10 antral follicles.(I'll get more accurate numbers when the nurse calls with my labs later today.)

I'm on a microdose Lupron flare protocol again this time, because it worked pretty well the last time. 

I'm feeling relaxed, and positive about this cycle.  Not positive as in I'm sure it's going to work (I'm thinking we're probably throwing money into a pit - it might throw up a baby in return, but it'll probably grin and belch instead) but positive as in, this is going to be okay.

Just to fill you in on details - and there's a bunch because I haven't been posting as frequently as I meant to.

My last Day 3 labs - May 9th:

• Estradiol 41.9
• FSH 7.6 
• LH 3.5
• FSH/LH ratio 2.1:1
• TSH 1.22

My first labs from this cycle (before I stopped the BCP) - August 6th

• Estradiol: 27.6
• Progrsterone: 0.3
• LH 3.5

Jakobe's Semen Analysis - end of July, results received August 7th

• Total Count: 17 Million
• Morphology: 3% (strict)
• Motile Percentage: 18%
• Motile count: 3 Million
• 100% lack good forward progression

So - not a whole lot has changed since our last cycle almost 2 years ago - You know, other than my eggs getting older and more stale.  I'll post today's lab values a bit later.

One quick comment about the thing that makes this whole process a lot less stressful:

Isn't she adorable?

Making Milk

So - yesterday was my appointment with the Lactation Consultant, and it went pretty darn well, she was pleased that we had a lot of time to work with - and careful to warn me that it's a lot of effort if the adoption doesn't go through.  She has her own modified version of the Newman-Goldfarb protocol, which is the protocol I'll be following.  I thought I'd share it here.  A - because it's important info to have out there, and B - so I don't forget it either.

I will be using domperidone (she prefers not to use Reglan, and it's contraindicated for me anyway) because I'm okay with ordering it online, and not freaked out by the slightly behind the government's back way of doing things.  She does say that the dom should be actually approved sometime next year.

So - Here's the plan:

1. When we are about 12-13 weeks out from the due date, I start taking Yaz continuously.
2. At 2-3 weeks before the due date, I start adding the dom.  
1. Starting dosage for the dom is 2 tablets three times a day - continue at that dose for 5-7 days
2. Continuing dosage of the dom is 3 tablets 3 times a day (can go slightly higher - max is 4 tabs 3 times a day)
3. When we go to the higher dose of dom, we stop the Yaz, and start pumping and hand expression 8 times a day (and one of those will be in the middle of the night, if not 2).

I apparently respond much better to hand expression than I do to the pump.  With hand expression I can get drips right now, but the pump did nothing for me.  I know that the drips aren't usual for most people, but I've been a bit of a drip for like 8 years, so I guess I'm used to it.  I can hand express as I feel like it between now and when pumping begins.

The reason  that it's not a firm timeline is that some of it will depend on if it looks like she'd going to be here a bit early.  The lactation consultant also said that I should be prepared for the consultants at the other hospital - where she will be born - to be less than helpful.  She would like the birthmom to express colostrum to be spoonfed for the first couple of feedings - and for me to suckle as well.  I know that after that she plans to pump for a little while to give us some breast milk.

Finally - she very much says that I need to rent a hospital grade pump, so I'm going to have to figure out which one that needs to be.  The Symphony one from the Hospital is $80 a month, and insurance won't help out until after the baby is here, there's another one I was looking at that is $45 for the first month, and then $25 a month after that, but she wanted to make sure that it was one she felt would work well.  I'll probably hear from her next week sometime.

In a bit of awesome news - my authorization letter for the Lactation consultant arrived in the mail last night - I'm approved for 15 visits in the next year, so we shouldn't have a problem on that end.  I'll likely be able to go right away after she comes home.

That's the plan. 

Day three Reporting

Well, I am feeling better.  Still a bit of odd sensations in the pelvic region, but basically okay.  I haven't quite figured out how I feel about how things are going this time.  I'm certainly not despondent and full of fear, which is pretty much how I was feeling about this point int he process last time.  Instead I'm just trying not to have too much in the way of expectations either way. 

Jakobe is in some ways my rock.  He's really good at being optimistic and being sure that this are going to work out in our favor.  At the same time, He has crawled into his very safe and secure bubble - other wise known as near constant video games.  It's how he deals with things, but I still kind of miss him when he does. 

So far the PIO injections are going very well.  I kick him off of the TV for about forty five minuted so that I can watch some tv with a heating pad on my bum.  I'm doing the injections in my right hip, and he's taking care of the ones in my left hip.  He thinks it's a fair division of labor - I can't bring myself to tell him that it's only fair if half the injections are in *HIS* bum.  oh well, not exactly going to work out that way.

On Saturday I headed over to the local coffee shop for a support group meeting, but it turned out I was the only one who could make it.  We have two groups right now - One for people who are experiencing infertility at any stage of their journey, and one for those who are trying to conceive or parent their first.  It was the second group that was pretty empty this weekend, and not for a bad reason.  We have finally had several people who have moved on.  They finally have their BFP, and they are now taking new steps.  It's been a long time coming, because the group had about a two year drought.  Now - We've got three pregnant women.

I hope I get to be number four.  It'll play hell on the meetings, but for good reasons.

I guess it's time to share this morning's details.

We have four 8-cell embryos, and one that's at less than 5 cells.  I don't expect that last one to make it.  SO I'm thinking that we have four that were right on schedule this morning.  We won't know any more until Wednesday morning, when they will tell us if any of them are ready to transfer.  Even if they're not, we're going to have a transfer, we'll just thaw and use Embry (or: the little embryo who could).  Here's to being almost PUPO.

Fourteen!!!

We got 14 eggs!  We'll know about fertilization tomorrow.  I am experiencing more discomfort than last time, but that was to be expected.  Sitting around the house, trying to get comfortable and watching movies.

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on waiting rooms

I think I would lose my head if it wasn't attached.  Here we are, sitting in the waiting room, and Jakobe had already been called in to do his part and I have a sudden realization.  Our consent forms?  They're at home in *my* car, and unsigned.  Oops.  Thankfully, I caught Jakobe, and we got them signed.  Part of him wanted to read them again, and he asked:  "What happens If I refuse to sign now?"

My response (laughing):"I beat you to death with this clipboard."

Anyway, we're here waiting and my retrieval is at 8 am, so we shouldn't have to wait too long.  Plus Heather brought me a package of dark chocolate lacey cookies from Trader Joe's.  She's awesome, and I am lucky to have her.

I'll keep you in the loop, and let you know about everything.

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Trigger Time

You heard that right, it's trigger time.  This time it's at 10:00 pm instead of 1 am, so I don't have to either get up at an ungodly hour, or stay up really late and miss out on my sleep.  5000 IUs this time, I think becaue there's so much more going on down there.

I have the worst gas, and it's adding to the puffy bloated feeling.  I am now regretting the Fiber One bars that I ate earlier today.  Tasty, but I think that they made the gas worse.

Jakobe's employer is being a total ass about the whole thing, and he will be working friday during retrieval,  Not such a big deal - but they also wont let him have any time on Wednesday for transfer.  Completely not cool.  He has sick time, but they won't let him use it.

I spent the time this evening trying to stay awake by watching TV instead of doing any of the other things that should have been on the priority list - Like putting the dishes away, laundry, or even NaNoWriMo.  I am falling way behind, and I really should do something about it, but I'm just exhausted.  I get home, and I mostly want to sleep.  I don't cause then I'll wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep - but it's hard to focus when you'd rather be sleeping.

Theoretically - we're supposed to have sex tonight.  and If I didn't feel like an overblown balloon I might actually feel like having sex tonight.  But - I am veeling very baloon like, and the closest thing to a penis that my vagina has seen in days is an ultrasound wand - and it just hurt,  It doesn't make me want to put anything else in their either.  and all of that is discounting the requirement that we use a condom.  I hate them, Jakobe hates them, and they are not the best option when performance is proscribed and might be an issue.  Why - cause he's not really in the mood tonight eeither.

He's not getting too much sympathy from me on that front.  If the most unpleasant thing (besides helping me with my injections) that he has to do is masturbate - I think he'll survive it.  Somehow it's not air that most of the suckiness falls to the women in most cases - he doesn't even have to get up at o'dark thirty to go to the RE's office, and some morning's it's hard to refrain from really waking him up instead of kissing him on the head while He dozes and I walk out the door.

I just realized that he once (possibly jokingly) threatened to boycot the process if they had to "go to the source" in his words, and that basically, they have to "go to the source" on my side every tim.  and my source, is a lot less accesible than his.

OKay - I think I might be getting a bit bitchy.  I'm gonna blame it on tired and hormonal.  That and headaches everyday that I don't get to take anything for.

On that note - I'll say goodnight.


***Quick Morning update***

Here are the actual stats:

• e2: 4540
• Progesterone: 1.8
• Follicles :  Now he's only counting the largest ones to get a general feeling - 13
• Right: 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 19, 17
• Left: 20, 20, 20, 19, 19, 17
• Endometrial Thickness: 9mm

Day 10 - Are we there yet?

Say hello to the Stay Puft Marshmallow man.  Or at least, that's how I feel.  Tonight is not trigger time, and I get to go back in in the morning.  Dr says that He wanted to let me go one more day.  I mind, and I don't - they counted 16 follies this morning. Some still to small, and some the right size.

Mostly I'm starting to feel like I might explode.  My Nurse coordinator still has to be prodded every day to give me numbers - she just want to tell me what my instructions are and leave it at that.  It irritates me a little bit - and I think that my asking irritates her a little bit too, but I'd rather be informed than just in the dark and guessing.

Stats:

• E2: 3189
• Progesterone: 1.8
• Follicles: 16, ranging from 13-20ish mm
• Right: 13, 17, 18, 19, 19, 20
• Left: 13,13, 5x<15, 19, 19, 19

We're almost there.  Jakobe's work is giving him a bit of trouble, not wanting to let him have time off for retrieval, or time off for transfer.  I know that I don't technically need him then, but dammit I want him to be there.  We're making it work.  If everything works out how we are currently;y expecting, then retrieval is going to be at about the same time that the furnace guy is coming to fix the heat in our house, so Jakobe will probably be home waiting for said furnace guy, and Heather will be with me giving me a ride, etc.  Then if the furnace still isn't fixed I'll be at home, and Jakobe is headed back to work - they're short staffed for closers on Friday.  I'll let you know what we do tomorrow.

Tonight I'm going to try to go to bed early again and hopefully I can fall asleep.  I find myself very tired, but last night I laid in bed for a long time just trying to fall asleep.  I must also remember to take my vitimins and drink some water before I zonk out.  Every day it seems to be getting harder to draw my blood for labs.  Thankfully even if it's been getting harder, the lady I've worked with most days has been awesome, and I've been getting away with only about 1 stick for day.  In My book, That's a miracle.

  I managed to make it to the clinic early enough that I was on time for work this morning, but each day is kind of it's own crapshoot, so I'll have to try and repeat myself tomorrow - before I really irritate my boss.

The post I owed you yesterday...

...but I skipped because I wasn't doing anything.  It was my birthday, and my prerogative.  I had a very lazy day. Especially if you don't count getting up at the crack of dawn to go to the RE's office and have an ultrasound wand shoved up my hoo-ha and my arms poked with needles to remove my lifeblood.  But all in all it wasn't bad.

It was pretty good, and I had good News from the doctors office - all is proceeding according to plan.  I'm getting a little nervous, because now I only have about two and a half Gonal-F pens left.  and I'm pretty sure I'm right on the edge because if the timing matches last time, then I'll be triggering tomorrow night, and I won't need the extra, but If I follow the calendar I'm short.  I need to remember to talk to them about it tomorrow.,

Does anyone else suddenly feel even more bloated right after they do their injections?  It's like I know that I'm not actually any more uncomfortable than I was two minutes before, but suddenly it's like I can feel my ovaries expanding, yet again.  Plus - I feel like I have to fart - all the time, and I just can't (well not much, I *am* farting as much as possible because I feel like it's giving me a little release.)

...and now that I have crossed the TMI line all over again, we can return to our regular programming.

My birthday was great.  Jakobe and Heather bought me a ticket to a wine tasting and benefit, and we had a wonderful time.  We all went out for sushi beforehand.  Heather and I enjoyed it immensely, while Jakobe explored all of the non sushi items on the conveyor belt.  At the benefit I bought 3 small bottles of a port that I like, Even though I already have a bottle here at home, because it was available at a discount.  Now I don't have to worry about opening up a bottle - because I still have a couple more.  Anyway, that was the night before, on my birthday itself, with the exception of the part mentioned above, we hung around the house, watched TV and movies, ignored our chores, and went to Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp.

Details from the Doctor's office:

• E2 - 1657
• Progesterone - 1.19
• Follicles - they still counted 11, 5 on the left, 6 on the right.  Almost all of them were 15mm, one measured 16, and there was one - (I'm not sure if it was part of the count) - at 12mm.

I'm off to the RE again in the morning, and I half expect to be telling you all that trigger is tomorrow night.  Either way, I'll be owing you a post tomorrow.  Until then.

(Oh, and for those who might be counting, this was my 200th post.  It should be more significant, but Hey, I'm gonna let it slide for now.)

SO - the doctor says...

Or more accurately the nurse called me to say:

• 11 follicles sized 12 mm and 10 mm.
• Estrogen of about 583 (I wrote it down at work and forgot to bring it home with me)
• Progesterone of 0.8
• and we're not doing LH anymore - the Lupron plays hell and it's meaningless.

Today is technically Cycle Day 6, and day 4 or stims.  I looked back, and on this day last time what we had was:

• 3 follicles - 13, 12, and 11
• Estrogen of 113
• Progesterone of 1.3

It seems to me - and our Nurse coordinator - that it's going much better this time.  In any case I'm starting to feel better.

I did have friends over tonight, and had a bit to drink, but I didn't go crazy overboard, and at least my right breast hurts less.  I guess I forgot to tell you - there's something going on with it, I went to the regular doctor this afternoon, and they think it's just inflammation or a clogged duct.  Moist heat, don't get a fever, and hope it gets better this week.  They don't think it's cancer.  Yay!

The plan for tomorrow - 

1. Try and get some more writing done:  I've completed 6,985 words in the challenge so far (not counting blog posts) or approximately 14%.  So far I'm on track. It's probably not any good, but since the point is a rough draft, and you're not supposed to edit, just get words on paper, I'm doing okay.  I keep trying to get a little bit ahead, but so far it isn't happening.
2. Go and get massages.  We're both scheduled for 2 hour massages tomorrow, and I can't wait.
3. Go along with whatever Jakobe's plan is.  I don't know what it is - but he's been conspiring with my best friend, so I'm excited to find out.

Fire and ice: the gap between

I know that there's a lot that's happened over here that I don't think that Ive shared with all ofr you yet, so here goes.

The Facts:
 I had CD3 blood work done as part of the lead-up to IVF 2.0.  The results weren't great, and weren't terrible.

• E2: 27.3 
• FSH: 9.0
• LH: 4.3

Also, This summer I had my AMH tested, all for myself, so that I could see another metric of what was going on.  Our WTF appointment with the RE in August wasn't very hopeful, and he said that because of my poor response last time, that I probably had diminished reserve, and bad eggs.  Yeah, no fun.  Really kind-of pissed me off because it was the opposite of what he had told me during our cycle, when he said it was probably a fluke.  Queue major irritation.  Anyway, My AMH came back at 0.93 - or Low normal.  So he's not wrong, and not right, and we're just going to have to try and figure things out from here.  We did get him to try a different protocol this time.  Micro-flare with max stims.  Not too worried about OHSS this time anyway.  I have a calendar, and my suppression check labs are this Thursday, with my first dose of Lupron to start on Halloween.  This seems like the perfect opportunity to turn into a monster!

Charts of my hormones & stuff - Because I can!

The wobbly, wishy-washy, completely emotional junk:
I realized today while I was sitting in the exam room in my stylish backless gown, and my totally awesome fuzzy socks that I really didn't want to be there.  I didn't want to have top do this again.  I am afraid of the heartbreak, and I am afraid that this will all turn out to be a waste of time.  t the same time, I keep catching myself thinking about what I'm going to do when this works, when I'm pregnant, when we're expecting one baby or two.  It's like there are two parts of my heart, and they're totally not on the same page.
If that wasn't enough, my emotional state is complicated by having been asked to consider adopting a baby.  Not a maybe someday baby, but a baby that would be born before one we would conceive during this cycle.  The situation is incredibly complicated, and most of it is not my story to tell - so I'm trying valiantly to keep my trap shut.  I talked to my mom, and laid everything out, but we're still in a feedback loop, where we can't think straight, or about anything else, and I bounce back and forth like there's no tomorrow between good idea and bad idea.
I feel like we need to make some sort of decision before we know how the IVF turns out.  I don't want this to be a second-best situation.  I only want to go ahead and say yes if:

• We're sure that we want the baby - regardless of if we have a biological child or not
• We're sure that it's the best choice for everyone involved

But - I don't even know which parts of the considerations have a part in our decision-making process, and which ones might be overstepping our bounds.  I wish that there was someone I could talk to who could help us find the best path.  Jakobe has already stated that he thinks we need an impartial third party, to facilitate he and I talking together, and also to facilitate some hard discussions with the expectant parents.  Sometimes the safest choice isn't the best choice, and sometimes it is, but I don't know how to tell which route is best.  I do know that we currently intend to go through all three tries in the three cycle option IVF that we started in April.

'twas the night before retrieval...

And all through the house, every creature was hoping, even the mouse.
(okay, there better not be mice in my house...  the cat's supposed to take care of that - but what else easily rhymes with house?)

Today the Dr said it looks like I may have a couple on the left that make it.  In any case, here we are - the night before, and I'm excited, and nervous, and not absolutely sure what tomorrow has in store for us.

The trigger last night was not bad at all - it didn't sting like the lo-dose at all.  I woke Jakobe up to do his part - and well, he chickened out.  So once I was done, and I told him that I hardly even felt it, it didn't hurt, a completely incredulous look cam over his face and he told me " what are you talking about - it hurt me, and I'mm across the room holding onto the cat!"

Today went well.  I guess I should say that even with not responding that well, I can sooo feel my right ovary (it aches), and the ultrasound this morning graduated past minor discomfort into hurt territory, but not a lot.

First trip to the RE in the morning is at 7:45, then home for showers, and then pick up my best friend (Jakobe want's moral support while he's waiting, and then he wants to go have lunch with *his* best friend) and back to the clinic at 11 for the retrieval at noon.

In completely unrelated news - My uncle showed up to visit this weekend without warning, so now we've got a family potluck Saturday afternoon - as well the fact that I promised to take the individual and couple pictures for my youngest sister and her friends for their Prom!

Updated labs from Yesterday:

• Estrogen: 891
• Progesterone: 1.4
• LH: 5.3

And today:

• Follies:  Left 14, 13, 13, ???  I think  Right 3x >20 and a couple of small ones...
• Estrogen: 1150
• Beta: 69 (to make sure that I did the trigger right...  Guess I did.)
• Lining: 9.5

Rolling the dice

Saw the RE this morning - again I forgot to get all the details I wanted, but here's what I've got:

Lining: 7.5 (I must have been wrong Monday, or maybe he measured in a different place today.
Follicles: Right - 21,20,20,?? Left - 13,12,12,10,??

In any case, we're set to trigger tonight at 1 AM, as seeing as I only got about 3 and a half hours of sleep last night, I'm headed back to bed to put my head down, and read, and hopefully get sleepy and pass out for a bit.  I'd better remember to set an alarm.

Retrieval is at noon on Friday.  Wish us luck, and here we go!

(oh yeah, somehow we're supposed to get our freak on tonight...)

Today's Second Update

Talked to my nurse - the medication orders are the same as yesterday, and we talked a little bit about my options.  She suggested that we wait and see what's going on on Wednesday before we make a decision.  She also said that maybe next time I would respond to the stims an entirely different way.

It's hard to know exactly what I want to do.  I feel better after talking to the financial coordinator - if we cancel, it doesn't count as one of the tries on our 3 times plan, and we don't suddenly incur the responsibility for the monitoring that we've already done during this cycle, they'll call it a wash.  If we decide to convert to IUI, then everything after we decide to convert is our responsibility. It's still quite the outlay for medications if we're not going the IVF route, but it's not quite as bad as I feared.

I'm still not sure which way I'm leaning...But I'm pretty sure that we'll be waiting until Wednesday to make a decision.

I'm not sure that I'm going to school this week.  Tonight I'm supposed to be doing homework, but between the headache from stims, the headache from emotional upheaval, and the upheaval itself, I don't know how much I'll get done.

I've also got lab values for both Saturday and Today.  At least I can see what's not going on?

Saturday (day 6, day 4 of stims):

• Lining: 5mm
• Estrogen: 113
• Progesterone 1.3
• LH: 3.0
• Follicles: 13,12,11, rest too small to measure (at least 9)

Today (day 8, day 6 of stims):

• Lining: 10-11mm
• Estrogen: 360
• Progesterone: 1.3
• LH: 3.5
• Follicles: 15,15,13, rest too small to measure ( more than 7)

What now?

My appointment this morning did not go as hoped, in fact, it went way worse than I had hoped.  The RE has given us the option to cancel this cycle.  His phrasing was that if this was the only time we were going to do/attempt this, then he would probably cancel. but if we were going to/willing to try again, then he's probably go ahead.  To me it sounds like he doesn't have a lot of faith that it'll work this time. We're looking at only retrieving 3, which seems like a dismal number to me. 

So now We have to figure out what we want to do.  Do we:

• Keep going - hope that it works, and accept that if it does, we're pretty unlikely to be able to have any more children.  Also accept that it's probably not going to work, and that we're going to haev to do this again all too soon.
• Cancel, and accept that this time wasn't meant to be.
• See if we can convert to IUI - we've never done one, and I don't know what the implications would be if it worked - especially having pre-paid for the IVF.

I'm tired, and I have a headache, and my heart hurts, and I don't know what to do or which decision is the right one.

Why me? Why Us?  This is not fair, and I don't like our choices.  I want a do-over.

And so it begins

With me setting aside my clothes before I went to bed, because I was sure I was going to forget stuff in the morning.

With getting up very early, and not eating breakfast, and just trying to get out the door, but making sure that I downloaded Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations to Jakobe's kindle so that I could read my homework in the RE's waiting room.

With getting my blood drawn, not where I requested, but it worked, so I don't have to care.

With the absolute fastest ultrasound examination I have ever had in my life!  I described it to Jakobe as getting Wham-bam-dildo-cam'd and he asked me not to post that here (a request that I am blatantly ignoring - although I do love you honey) because it gave him a crude mental image.  I was surprised by how fast it was, but also because trying to see my right ovary hurt.  I shouldn't have been surprised, that's where I always hurt.... but I was anyway.

With good Labs:  Estrogen already coming up at 61.5, Progesterone staying where it should at 1.1, and my LH still coming in at a happy number of 4.4.

Relevant info from the Ultrasound (going off of what I heard the Dr. say):  Lining looks good, about where it should be 3x3? 5 follies on the left ovary, and 6 on the right.  I guess I can stop worrying about not having had regular flow...  It's probably not going to happen at this point.  Hopefully the stims will stop the spotting so that I can get back to enjoying Jakobe while we still have the chance.

Medication Instructions:

• 225 IU of Follistim
• 20 Unit of LoDose HCG

And Pooey - No migraine medication.  I'm allowed Tylenol, and only Tylenol.

I have a Calendar!!!

That means that I can now post the tentative schedule for all of you.  I can also post the complete list of meds that I expect to be taking.

So, the schedule:

• Friday, 1 April - Labs - Last BCP
• Note: Expect Period
• Wednesday, 6 April - Ultrasound and Labs - Jakobe start Doxycycline
• Saturday, 9 April - Ultrasound and Labs 
• Monday, 11 April - Ultrasound and Labs (am I sensing a pattern here????)
• Wednesday, 13 April - Ultrasound and Labs (maybe I am)
• Friday, 15 April - Ultrasound and Labs - Possible Trigger.  
• Note: have intercourse with condom.  If I remember correctly a condom isn't very fun to have sex with - it's all wrinkly and squishy, and wet, and floppy - can I have intercourse with Jakobe instead? 
• 2nd Note: This day is an estimate, based on response it may be a day earlier or later.
• Saturday, 16 April - Ultrasound and Labs
• Note: No Medications
• Sunday 17 April - Possible Retrieval Day
• Note: Start PIO and Medrol
• Friday, 22 April - Possible day 5 Transfer
• Note: continue PIO until instructed to stop
• Saturday, 23 April - If no Day 5 Transfer - FREEZE ALL
• Note:  If freeze all, stop all medications.  Call with period
• Wednesday, 27 April - Labs
• Note: Checking Estrogen and Progesterone levels
• Sunday, 1 May - Labs
• Note:  PREGNANCY TEST!
• 2nd Note: If positive, repeat in 2 days.  Order progesterone refill.

General Notes:  

1. Remember that this calendar may change depending on your stimulation progress
2. If you haven't been called with medications instructions by 6pm, call the office

And now for the Medication List:

I don't have any amounts yet, just a list of which medications I will be taking.

• Ganirelix 3 pre-filled syringes (1 refill)
• Follistim Cartridges (7 with 1 refill and a pen)
• HCG 10,000 IU Vial - IM
• Low dose HCG 10iu/.1cc 1 (1 refill)
• Medrol
• Progesterone in Oil 50mg/ml (2 vials)

Total cost for Medications is currently estimated to be around $2,660.

News!

I actually have News....  It's amazing.  My nurse, Debbie, called me this afternoon because she noticed that we hadn't talked to the doctor since our appointment in June.  Apparently, a lot of changes happened around that time and she wanted to be sure that we understood what those changes meant.

The gist:

1. The doctor now only does Day 5 transfers.  
1. If nothing makes it to Day 5 - no transfer.
2. IF the blasts haven't expanded on day 5 and he wants to wait until day 6 - No transfer
3. I asked about what percentage of patients got to have a transfer on Day 5 - About 50%
2. They're now using vitrification.  This I knew, but it was nice to hear.

Also, things I learned.  I will be on an antagonist protocol with Follistim and Ganirelix.  This is the time when I want to jump up and down and say "Yay, no Lupron!!!"  Lupron and I have a storied past, and I still deal with a couple of side effects from when I was on it 10 years ago.  The pharmacy should be calling me within a couple of days to arrange to send me my drugs.  (She also made sure to remind me that they cost a couple of thousand dollars so I probably don't want them sitting on my porch in 31 degree weather)

She'll be mailing me my calendar either today or tomorrow so that I can have it before the injection class, and because I think she can tell that I'm one hell of an impatient bitch woman.  In any case.  Baby steps closer, but still closer.  I know when my first couple of appointments are going to be.

• 1 April - first blood draw and Ultrasound, also the day I should be stopping BCPs (this can't come soon enough, especially for Jakobe)
• 6 April - first check, this should also be the day that I start stims, assuming everything else goes according to plan.

It's good to have an idea where I'm headed.  I suppose now I have to talk to work again (I'm thinking next week) because I still don't know if they're going to be doing something with my schedule or not.  Good going work.

I tried to tell Jakobe what was going on, and to get him to evidence at least some of the excitement that I feel (and that he so easily expresses about star wars books, and WoW, and just about anything that doesn't involve me - sorry, crabby bitchy moment there - I'm irritated because he told me he was too tired to process what I was trying to tell him, but at the same time, he's now totally involved and gung ho about playing WoW with his friends.  Cue approach of hormonal tears, that will not be shed.)

In any case.  I'm excited to be moving forward.  I just wish that I felt like Jakobe cared.

Quick Notes:  Today was the last day of the quarter, so now I'm officially on spring break.  This is an awesome thing, and may actually mean that I get to spend more time at the gym - which we have actually been going to.

I'll post the calendar when it comes in (I may even scan it in to share).

Mommy-in-waiting and Definitely-TTC got their BFP!  I am so excited and happy for them, and I have to say that her positivity these past couple of months has really been an inspiration.

urgent care

On Sunday morning Jakobe woke up with this terrible rash on his arm.  It didn't hurt, but it was swollen, and I hadn't really ever seen anything like it...  It looked kind of like rug-burn, or something, but we couldn't tell what had caused it.  Anyway, since we didn't like the look of it, we decided that our best course of action was to make our way down to the urgent care center to have it looked at.  

There are some things about urgent care on Sunday morning you should be aware of:

• it's really busy
• for some reason, Jakobe's insurance thinks that they need a $75 co-pay
• almost everyone waiting to be seen is a small child, under the age of 4
• you have to wait forever to be seen
• there are babies everywhere, or cute toddlers with gorgeous ringlets
• so, not really the place for an infertile couple...

But anyway, we get there about 9 am, and then we wait for a long time to be seen, and because I'm just getting over the plague (fever, coughing, sore throat, utter yuckiness) and I'm still coughing, and slightly contagious, I get to wear the oh, so sexy, yellow face mask. (did I mention that I have this little claustrophobia problem, that I absolutely hate having anything over my nose and mouth, and that I have to move the blankets on our bed or when we cuddling so that there is absolutely nothing covering my nose and mouth?  Well, I do.)  In any case, when we finally get back to see a doctor I have come up with a laundry list of things that Jakobe should have checked out, or at least discuss, since we're already there.  Like his arm, his cough, his sore throat, his stuffy ears, and oh yeah - his frequent vomiting.

So - His arm turns out to be petechiae (broken blood vessels in the skin) and he somehow scraped himself or did something else like that to his arm while he was sleeping.  Unless it shows up somewhere else on his body, the verdict is that he somehow did it to himself in his sleep, and that it's nothing to worry about.

His cough - well his lungs sounded fine, so they didn't worry about it at all. His sore throat - got a strep culture - negative.  His stuffy ears - he's got fluid behind his eardrums, and one of them looks a little pink.  Normally, they wouldn't do much of anything for something that mild, but at one point, Jakobe had the both of his inner ears completely rebuilt surgically, and since there aren't bones in there anymore (just shaped pieces of cartilage) he has to be really careful to not get a bad ear infection, or he could maybe go deaf again.  So he gets to go on kick-ass antibiotics.

The vomiting - I finally got some backup on the fact that he really really needs to go to the doctor on this one. It wasn't until I had bugged him about going several times that he explained that he was vomiting up black stuff when he get's these attacks, stuff that maybe looks like coffee grounds.  The Urgent Care doc didn't do anything about it today, but really stressed that Jakobe needs to have it checked out and make sure that something serious isn't going on - because he could be vomiting blood.  Now maybe he'll actually make an appointment.

Getting started: Baby steps

Today was the first day where I could feel how close we are getting to actually doing this.  I've been diligently working toward it for months, and making money choices didn't really make it real.  Today though...  I started of my day at the RE, where it was morning monitoring.  I was about the 4th woman there.  And I feel so bad for everyone who arrived after I did, because it was a really bad day to follow me.  It took 5 different needle sticks to be able to draw blood for my CD3 labs - we were going to try and do the rest of my labs at the same time, but no such luck... And it too easily 20 minutes to do the one blood draw...  Meaning that by the time I got out of the phlebotomist's area....  there was standing room only in the waiting room.  Everyone was waiting for me to finish.  I'm So Sorry.

Before the start of a triathlon - Kind of how I feel today.

Then at work today, I had a meeting with HR to explain what was going on and to find out what my options were.  Unfortunately, they really wanted me to work things out with my boss' supervisor.  She Really, really doesn't like me.  I've yet to figure out why, but she feels like she has to watch my every move, and she has to pay extra special attention to me, and it's all negative.  No one but her has a problem with how I do my job, but she seems to have it out for me.  Plus - she's given my boss a very hard time for having been very ill this fall.  I didn't want to talk to her about it.  I couldn't see how it was going to end well.

I was VERY pleasantly surprised.

She seemed very supportive, and even came up with the idea of changing my scheduled shift while I'm doing IVF so that morning monitoring will hopefully not interfere.  No decisions were made today, but I feel much better about it now.  Maybe this will all work out.

Here's the current plan:

•  Jakobe and I still have some blood tests to do.  We'll just go to the lab and have them done - Maybe Saturday morning.  
• We have to pay them for the cycle and ICSI by February 28th.  I didn't quite make my goal of being able to pay for everything with cash, but we're not to far off.  We've got just shy of $12,500 in savings, and just over $3000 coming in a couple of weeks with our tax return.  That's all but $800 of the up-front cash for the clinic, and  then it's mostly Meds and incidentals...  and some of it will be reimbursed.    We'll be picking up a bit of debt, but not more than we can handle.    
• I start BCPs with my next cycle.
• IVF in April!

Finally - to finish off today's post, here are the lab results from today, not to shabby, I don't think.

• FSH: 3.3
• LH: 8.2
• Estradiol: 36.3