29 May 2010


I know - this is supposed to be mostly about IF, but the truth is, I'm about to go camping for the weekend (I'll be off camping by the time you read this) and I was trying to work out what I was going to post in the  meanwhile.  A secondary considerations is that I don't really have anything of note on the IF front as we're still in a holding pattern and waiting for our appointment next week.

Anyway, popovers have become a kind of favorite in my house.  It started with the Gruyère-Chive mini-popovers, and has become garlic cheese mini-popovers, and sweet cinnamon mini-popovers, and just about any variation that's convenient.  So I'm sharing the basic recipe - and then you all can modify to your heart's delight.  Plus - they take about 25 minutes to whip up from start to finish.

Basic Mini-Popovers
makes 24

1 1/4 cups milk (room temp)

1 T melted butter or Oil
2 eggs (room temp)
1/2 t salt
1 cup Flour

Option 1: Gruyère-Chive

3 oz Gruyère (finely grated)
1-2 T snipped chives.

Option 2: Garlic Cheese (pictured)

3 oz shredded cheese (Mexican blend or Cheddar)
1 t granulated garlic
(or minced garlic cloves to taste)

Option 3: Sweet Cinnamon

1 T Splenda or Sugar
1 t ground cinnamon

Basic Directions: Preheat oven to 450.  Spray mini-muffin pan with oil.  Put the liquid ingredients into your blender  and put the dry ingredients on top of them.  use the blender to mix them all up (or mix by hand with a whisk - both methods work).  Pour equal amounts into each muffin cup (almost full, but not quite) and put them into the preheated oven.  after 10 minutes, turn the temp down to 350 and bake for 8-10 minutes more.

Changes for Options 1 & 2: Add the chives or garlic with the dry ingredients, and put about 1 t (or more if you wish, you might have to grate more cheese) of cheese on top the batter in each muffin cup.'

Changes for Option 3:  Follow basic directions, adding the sugar and cinnamon in with the dry ingredients.

They disappear as fast as they come out of the oven.  One tip - if you don't want them to collapse in the center, poke them with a toothpick or a fork as soon as they come out of the oven to let the steam escape.

28 May 2010


We're off camping this weekend.  It's been planned for months, so there's no changing, and I plan to have a great time.  But - it's raining.  It's been raining for a couple of days, and the only non-rainy day we're supposed to have all weekend is Sunday.  I'm packing my long underwear.  And - if you're especially unlucky, I'll be back with pictures of our camping trip next week.

27 May 2010

Working on patience

It seems like the one constant in this IF journey is the need to be patient.  Every cycle – if you’re trying, you wait to ovulate, and then you end up waiting to test, or waiting for AF to show.  Then there’s all the other waiting.  You make an appointment with the doctor, and wait for the appointment, you wait for your HSG, and then you wait for the results.  You wait (and abstain) for a SA, and then – even if you get the results quickly, you wait for someone to tell you that it’s not as bad as it looks…  but it is.  Then you wait to see another doctor.

Can you tell we’ve been doing a lot of waiting?  Right now I’m waiting for our appointment to see the RE next week.  I can’t help but hope that it won’t be as bad as we think it will be.  With our luck, it will be.  We got the clinic’s estimate of our insurance coverage in the mail on Tuesday and just as I thought.  No coverage for me (Payment is due at the time of service), and for Jakobe, testing only.  I’m pretty sure that means that they’ll pay for the SAs from here on out.  It will help, just a little.

In the meanwhile, we wait.

26 May 2010


Last night, I dreamed a positive pregnancy test.  I’ve never done that before.  I just kept looking at it, disbelieving. It was kind of dark when I was looking at it, but there was very definitely a second line. 

I've been struggling all day with what else I can say about this, but I can’t even really determine how I feel about it.  I want to have hope.  I want to believe in miracles.part of me thinks that it would be the height of irony to get a completely random, unexpected BFP in the week before we see the RE.  

It's not gonna happen.  But I still want to hope.

25 May 2010

Foiled - Updated: Behold the power of whining

I was diligently trying to catch up on ICLW, because I've been an absolutely horrible participant so far this month, and what happens...  Stirrup Queens appears to be down, and I can't read any more blogs.  I need blogs, work has been over the top today.

In retaliation (and because my boss suggested it yesterday) I'm going to take Friday off of work and have a 4 day weekend.

ETA: as soon as I posted this - it came back up.  It's like mechanics syndrome.

24 May 2010

Rhubarb-Blueberry Pie

I made this pie almost two weeks ago - and it's been keeping well in the fridge, so I'm still thinking about it, and eating it for breakfast! The inspiration was that I have this gigantic rhubarb plant in my yard - it's about the only useful thing that grows there, and it's put up with more abuse and neglect that I can dare to share with you all.  In any case, I can't let a year go by without making something from the rhubarb before I kill it.

Normally, I'd make a rhubarb pie, or maybe even strawberry-rhubarb, but I didn't know how just rhubarb would go with the guys, and Jakobe is allergic to strawberries, so I grabbed the blueberries out of the freezer.  I also used mostly Splenda instead of sugar, and replaced my regular pie crust with this great tart crust I've been using for other things.  (the new crust is amazingly thick, and is also perfectly flaky, so it's a win in my book!)

Rhubarb - Blueberry Pie

For Filling:
3 1/2 cups of 1 inch rhubarb pieces
1 1/2 cups of Frozen Blueberries
1/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup Splenda
1/4 cup cornstarch
zest of one orange
2 tablespoons butter

For Crust:
2 eggs
1/4 cup ice water
1 tablespoon of Lemon Juice
3 1/2 cups of flour
1 cup cold butter 
1 tablespoon Splenda
1/4-1/2 teaspoon lite salt (adjust for salted/unsalted butter)

Preheat oven to 425.

I start with the crust, because it needs to be refrigerated for half an hour before you roll it out.  I combine the dry ingredients in my blender, and then pulse it with the butter. (I don't have a food processor to do all the work - but i can cheat the first part with my blender, If you don't have either you can use a pastry cutter or a fork to cut in the butter)  Pour the mixture into a bowl.  In a measuring cup, combine the Ice water, lemon juice, and eggs in a measuring cup and beat it all together.  Add the egg mixture to the flour mixture slowly, mixing after each 1/4 to 1/3 of liquids until everything just holds together. Mash it all together with your hands, and knead just enough to form a big ball.  Divide into two balls and flatten them into disks.  Put them in plastic bags or wrap with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Combine all of the ingredients except the butter in a large bowl.  Let it sit while the crust chills

Combining:  Roll out the bottom crust to fill a 9" pie plate (I didn't use a deep dish plate.)  Add the filling.  Cut up the butter for the filling into small pieces and dot it on top of the fruit.  Roll out the top crust, or you can make a lattice crust if you're feeling ambitious.  Seal the crust by crimping or fluting. ( I fluted, there's a lot of crust.) and cut several vents in the top crust.  Bake for 30 minutes and then reduce the oven to 350.  Bake for another 30-40 minutes.  If the crust is getting too brown, lay a sheet of foil over the top for the remainder of the cooking time.


I really did mean to post the rhubarb pie yesterday - just got distracted with life and ran out of time.  I'll try and get it to you all this afternoon, as soon as I finish writing out the directions (I wanted to make sure I remembered the tart crust correctly, and didn't have time to look it back up.)

22 May 2010

Mind Tricks

First off – It’s completely unfair to have IPS on a cycle when you’re pretty damn sure that you chances of getting pregnant are pretty much nil.  I’ve got to pee constantly, and my breasts are sore.  But – I’ve had these symptoms before, and so I don’t think I’m pregnant.  There’s just a tiny part of me that wants to hope.  The rest of me knows better.  So here I am.  Not hoping, and wishing that this cycle would finish, and time would pass quickly so that we can get in to see the RE, and develop a plan.

Besides - the only thing we're doing differently right now is that Jakobe is no longer taking his Lisinopril.  Admittedly, it's a change, but I don't know how much effect it would have on his swimmers in this short a period of time.  Other than being bothered by the completely irrational, pointless symptoms that probably just mean that I had a good ovulation this month, there's very little going on when it comes to our attempts to have a child of our own.  We wait.

You think we'd be good at waiting, we're certainly getting enough practice, but somehow, it only gets marginally easier.  and - it gives me plenty of time to worry about money.  June is going to be expensive.  we can wave goodbye to approximately $500 for the first RE visit, Plus the cost of summer School for me (~ $750), and a new cell phone for me (~ $200). in any case, it's going to be very hard to maintain our savings - it's going to take a bit of a hit.  I'm sure that it'll start growing again,  but I feel like every time we have to touch it, it puts our possibility of successfully having a child that much further into the future.

Okay - enough rambling, I'll be posing about Rhubarb-Blueberry pie tomorrow.  It makes excellent breakfast.

21 May 2010

Passing Storms

It's been a rough week here at the Yak Hotel.  Don't ask me why, but Jakobe and I have had the hardest time communicating with each other.  We don't really know or understand where the other one stands, or what they've been trying to tell us.  As a result - our interactions have been quite a bit like these storm clouds:

I took these pictures on Tuesday from the parking lot at work before I headed off to class.  That evening, and Wednesday evening, Jakobe and I had escalating fights.  We just couldn't seem to stop ourselves. And then - I'd point out that it was happening, and we'd laugh.  Unfortunately, we would start fighting again almost immediately.  I think that it's what happens if we (or maybe just me) don't get enough down-time.  I've been going nonstop for a couple of weeks now, and I've still got a while before the end is in sight.  I'm hoping that camping next weekend will help.  Wednesday night, we took the dog for a walk, and when we were almost done, a storm blew in.  We were about a third of a mile away from home, and we had been struggling with why were were at each other's throats for most of the walk, trying to figure out what was going on.  The storm ended all that.  Probably because Jakobe thought I was a madwoman.  There I was - it's about 60 degrees out,  I've taken of my shirt, and am letting my camisole (and the rest of us) get soaked through, and I'm laughing.  
There's a joy in storms that I just can't explain.  The raw power of the world coming right up to you door and blowing through without even bothering to knock.

It really did feel wonderful.

I don't know yet if we're back on an even keel.  But - we're still trying.

17 May 2010

No explosions.

I worried for nothing.

Our conversation with my in-laws went very well, so that’s a great weight off my shoulders. That and I just generally feel much better when I’m not keeping things from people.  It may have helped that we asked them to sit down before we told them – so they were relieved that it wasn’t something worse.  There were a lot of random suggestions – but nothing pushy.  It was more of a subject of conversation when Jakobe wasn’t around, but it never got to be more than was reasonable.  She *is* sending Jakobe the card/medallion thing and she suggested that he wear it on a chain around his neck – but that got vetoed, and that’s perfectly okay with me.

A lot more of the: “You know we love you, even if you don’t have children,” comments, but they’ve been a fixture from the beginning, so they don’t drive me anywhere near as nuts.  I think because we didn’t talk about the specific details:  we discussed Jakobe’s “Swimmers that don’t swim” (his words) but not about the retrograde/minimal/anejaculation thing.  Too much detail for the ‘rents.  Jakobe just said that there was a change around when he started the Lisinopril for his Diabetes.  So – it’s a point of hope.  And – like us – Jeri grasped onto that hope for all she was worth.   

I wish I really thought that it was going to make a difference.  I’m feeling pretty pessimistic about it.  I think that it’ll probably help several other things that went wrong at the same time, but I worry that the minimal ejaculate will go away but we’ll still have super crappy sperm, just more of them.

14 May 2010

Ticking Time Bomb

That’s how I feel about this evening.  My in-laws are going to be here in only a few hours. 

Tonight, we’re going to tell them.


Part of me is absolutely terrified.  I’m so afraid of their reaction.  The discussion is going to be hard for me, but that’s it: an un-fun, difficult discussion where we disappoint some of the people most important to us.  I know that Jeri wants us to have kids.  She’s been doing the not-so-subtle hint thing since we got engaged.  She’s also the kind of person who can’t help but offer completely uninformed advice she pulls out of her (whoops, what did I almost say there?).

I’m afraid of what her reaction is going to do to Jakobe.  This whole thing has been so hard on him already, and he takes every set-back and delay personally (more on that in a bit).  I want them to be laid back and understanding.  I want them to just say that they understand, and tell us how sorry they are that this isn’t going to be easy for us.  I’m pretty sure that what I want and what I get are going to be two different things.  More than anything, I don’t want this to end up with Jakobe hurting any more than he is already.

The only disagreement that Jakobe and I had about telling his parents was about the infamous card.  His mom has been known to give friends/family members, a card for St. Gerard (the patron saint of mothers?) with the instructions to put it under your pillow, or tack it up over your bed.  It’s supposed to help.  Jakobe says that everyone his mom has given it to has been successful in having a baby.  And he was adamant that we not let her give us one.  (seemed a little backward to me, but he had an explanation: If she gives us the card, and we get pregnant, then she’ll think that it’s all her doing.  She’s apparently still reminding friends about her card thing 17 years later…  Who knows.  I don’t  really care. )  Anyway – My thought was, it can’t hurt, it’s not really going to make a difference, and if it makes his mom feel like she’s helping  -  then we should go for it.  The alternative is probably her giving all sorts of unwanted, unneeded and not terribly useful advice.  I’m already expecting a deluge of every news article she happens to read about infertility – even if we ask her not to. 

I’m not really one for magical thinking - the farthest I get with that is the whole Carseat thing I wrote about last week.  And I know I’m being ridiculous.  Right now – I just want this weekend to go okay.

In Other News:

Jakobe’s work has cancelled his day off on June 21st.  He actually tried to do the responsible thing and let them know that he had a doctor’s appointment 2 months in advance.  So we’re SCREWED because he tried to take the day off to account for the fact that we’re not sure of the timing, and it’s going to be more than the 2 hours that they will give him for doctor’s appointments.  Because he asked for leave that day, he can’t call in sick that day so that he can go.  If he calls in sick – He’ll be fired.  It’s FUCKING ridiculous.
So today – I called the doctor’s office and asked to be put on the waiting list – that way he’ll just call in sick whenever we can actually get in to see the doctor.  The Workforce management person says that she’s still trying to get the time for him  on the 21st – she might be able to pull off half a day – but we won’t know for weeks

Luckily – the RE allowed me to make a backup appointment on August 4th, and they’ll allow me to hold them both through the end of May.  The waiting list for cancellations had 15 people ahead of us – so it sounds like a lot of fun, and it sounds like we’ll be waiting a while.

As I was posting - the RE called back - the got us in on Friday June 4th at 9 a.m.  

10 May 2010

Partly Sunny, with a 30% chance of rain.

Yesterday, Jakobe told me that there’s “No crying in Baseball.” Mostly he meant that He just doesn’t know what to do to make things better for me.  I told him I wasn’t crying, and I wasn’t.  I *am* starting to feel better.  Not great, but better.  A week ago he was really worried about me, but now – not so much.  I think it takes time (at least a little) to let each setback sink in a little bit.  I’m not over it – but today is a good day so far.

I even made it through Mother’s Day without too much trouble – despite Jakobe’s attempt to make me feel better by telling me “Happy Daughter’s Day” first thing yesterday morning.  I appreciate the effort, but, well…

Jakobe, on the other hand, isn’t really dealing so well.  We talked about it for a bit yesterday, and mostly he keeps just shoving his feelings away so that he can be productive/functional.  He says that if he lets go he’s either very angry, or he wants to spend two days in bed.  Hopefully, it helped that he spent yesterday afternoon in bed and napping.  OTOH, that could be reaction from participating extra-curricular activities that would be limited if we were parents.

We had a long conversation on Friday night (the second-to-last of our 10 great dates)  Jakobe says he’s not sure if he has the emotional fortitude for infertility treatments.  He wants to try – but he feels like he’s going to reach the “enough” point long before I do.  He currently thinks he’d be up for 3 total tries (IUI, IVF, FET, anything we tried.)  Maybe he’s wrong, and maybe it will just take until he’s out of the current  black hole that’s plaguing both of us.  It doesn’t really seem like a reasonable cutoff to me, so I guess that we’re on different pages already.  We’ll have to burn cross that bridge when we come to it.   

Now – I’m just finishing up my lunch break, so I think I’ll sit here and eat a slice of someone else’s left-over mother’s day cake (no irony at all there…) and see where the rest of the day takes me.

P.S.  That cake did look like it tasted - too much food coloring and some really, really funky strawberry frosting.

07 May 2010

Doing too Much?

Jakobe was telling me last night as we were lying in bed that he thinks I should maybe take the summer off school, that I’m doing too much and that it’s not very healthy for me.  (Not his exact words, but his sentiment).  He wants me to have time to goof off, and do the things that I like, go for bike rides after work, make some changes at the house, read a book (or a dozen), and just take things slower.  I can’t say that I disagree with him, it would be a good idea.  I actually keep thinking about it myself.  It would be easier.  I don’t want to do summer school this year.  I am getting tired of it – I’m in my 7th straight quarter already.  That and I’m just tired, more emotionally tired than anything, but it’s all tied together.

But – I didn’t go back to school with the idea that it was going to be easy, and I know myself well enough to realize that if I take the summer off, I’ll probably fill my time with other commitments that I’ll then try to continue when school starts again in the Fall.  Added to that – I really, really want next year to be the last year.  I’m supposed to be able to graduate next June, but that only works if I either take one class this summer, or if I go full-time one quarter next year.  I think that the full-time quarter will hurt me more than one summer class.

It doesn’t look like I’m going to have to worry about how to juggle pregnancy and/or motherhood while finishing up the last year of school (I might have given myself an extension to the deadline if that happened. )  I will probably have to continue to juggle infertility, periodic depression, and possible fertility treatments, whilst saving all the money we can for an IVF attempt and going to school.  I can do it.  When I went back to school I gave up two things I really enjoyed because I couldn’t manage my time well enough to make all of my commitments work: Triathlons and 4-H.  

I want it to be worth it.

I want to finish what I started.

I need to finish what I started

By June of next year I probably won’t be a mom, but I will be the proud owner of a degree in Management Information Systems, and a boatload of debt.  If I stop before then, I just get the debt – and not the pretty piece of paper.  

06 May 2010

It's Done.

I got all of the paperwork filled out and faxed to the RE.  20 pages.  And of course, the fax machine jammed halfway through.  But, it's done.  I'm no longer in danger of setting it aside and forgetting it (or procrastinating it) until we lose our appointment.

Here we go.

05 May 2010

The Carseat

I'll get to the carseat in a bit - I Promise.  Sometimes writing isn't as easy as I think it should be.  Right now, it's tough because living isn't as easy as I think it should be. Jakobe said that he was going home early from work today because he doesn't want to be there today.  Today - I don't really want to be.

Don't worry too much - not wanting to be is not at all the same thing as being suicidal - I've been there (In my deep dark unlamented past.)  It's more of a desire to do nothing, to be nothing, and to have the world completely pass you by for a while.

And I'm a little perplexed.  I don't know why it's all hitting me so hard right now.  Maybe it was going home yesterday to find the paperwork from the fertility clinic in the mailbox: we have 2 weeks to get it all filled out and returned, or we lose our appointment.  Maybe it's just that I let myself hope that we were going to get some answers at the appointment last week.  Maybe it's the bombardment of Mother's day at the same time I'm feeling powerless.  Who knows?  It's not like the situation has really changed from last week. 

Now it's just that there'a a doctor who said the same things that I had been telling myself. Plus, he was uncaring and perfunctory - he didn't bother to ask any questions, or want to answer any questions.  So, really, why should I care what he had to say?

Maybe it's knowing - instead of suspecting, that we're looking at a long road ahead of us, with no guarantee of success.  The only thing that's guaranteed is that if we keep moving ahead, we're going to spend a lot of money.  It's hard to feel good about moving forward.  It's admitting that there's something wrong with us.  It's the death of dreams. 

I have this carseat I bought March 1st of last year, while I was still on the pill.  I bought it because it was an awesome carseat, and I was saving at least $100 off the retail price.  I bought the carseat when I still thought that we were going to be one of the lucky ones - you know, one of those people who get's pregnant right off the bat, almost without trying.  I bought the carseat, even knowing that buying stuff for a baby that doesn't exist anywhere except in your imagination is probably not a good idea.  I bought the carseat - even though there was a voice in the back of my head that said I was jinxing myself.  It sits in a box in my basement, never opened, currently being used as a saddle stand, mocking me. 

I'm thinking about selling it, or giving it away.  The part of me that thinks of it as a jinx tells me that I need to get rid of it, and then maybe a miracle will happen.  (Forget it, says the cold logical part of me, a carseat doesn't have anything to do with whether or not you get pregnant.)  The other part of me, the one that's sitting in a corner, curled up into a ball, but holding on tight to that small thread of hope that I assume gets us all through this, feels like giving away or selling that carseat is admitting defeat before we even get started.  So, the carseat is still in the basement, with the crib my grandmother bought for my youngest sister, and the desk that was my mom's as a child and then mine that I started to refinish last spring.  These things are like our extra bedroom, pieces of a life we don't yet have, sitting in limbo and waiting for something to change.

If I feel like this right now - how much worse is it going to get?  I haven't even been at this very long.  Maybe it's graduated steps of pain - because you can get used to anything after a while, so eventually you start to feel normal again, at least until something else gets added.  Then you adjust again.  At some point - I know that it either get';s easier, or you get better at dealing with it.  That or you just give up.

I've thought about it.  Though about whether putting myself us through all of this is really worth it.  I just keep coming back to being unable to picture myself happy.  I can picture mostly content, and resigned. I can picture some of the differences, but in the end, it still doesn't pass the rocking chair test. So I'm putting one foot in front of the other, and tonight, when I get home from the bargaining committee meeting, I'll work some more on the new patient paperwork.

04 May 2010

Yes - I am a geek

So, in my wanderings of the interwebs today I have remembered/learned an important fact.  Today is Star Wars Day.  May the fourth be with you!

Jakobe would be proud of me - He's more into Star Wars than I am.  But - together we like it enough that we spent over $200 last week to buy Star Wars in Concert tickets.  Which is a lot of money for me to fork out right now.  Especially considering that we've only got about $6000 saved up for this infertility crap.  Since the concert itself is June 19th, we've got to wait a while, but I'm already excited.  I managed to get us third-row almost center seats, so it should be awesome.  It's also probably the last "big-ticket" item that I'm going to let us do - at least until our vacation for Jakobe's birthday in August.

In other news: I talked with Jakobe a bit last night about the fact that I'm depressed (not major, I'm going to kill myself depressed, or even the I'm not going to snap out of it in a couple of weeks depressed, more of the right now, this fucking sucks and I don't like it depressed.)  He read yesterday's post and was mad at me for not telling him to cancel Game Night.  Truth be told - I know that carrying on with my usual stuff would be good for me, so I didn't want to cancel.  I just really didn't feel like doing it either.  In the end - I had a good time.  Although, I do want to slap a friend silly for complaining about her kids...

03 May 2010

Something Different

I made it through the rest of the day Friday.  I did spend some time in bed, curled up with Jakobe, and crying while he held me.  It helped.  I'm working on being okay with crying in front of him, not because I feel like I shouldn't be having these feelings, more out of concern that I'll make him feel worse.  He's already decided that he's 100% responsible, and that it's all his fault - I can't convince him otherwise, and I wish that I could.  Or at least I could convince him that blame doesn't really matter, we're in the same situation no matter who's at fault. BUT - He says that my sucking it up makes him feel worse than the crying, so I'm giving it a try.

Friday evening I got to indulge in one of my favorite hobbies - experimenting with food. The Menu was:

  • Lamb Meatballs with Cilantro Raita
  • Pear Compote with cheeses (Swiss, Gouda, and Mascarpone) on
  • Homemade Rye Crackers
This was the first time I had made crackers, and I discovered that they're pretty easy to make. (I'm going to try and take a picture tonight of the little bit that's left. If I do, I'll add it to this post.)  They do take some time, and I was glad that I made and divided the dough on Thursday night - it meant I actually had time for my mini-breakdown.  I'm including the recipe for the crackers at the end of this post - all the guys said that they were awesome.

I was going to write a step by step walk-through of my weekend, but I started to bore myself - so you definitely don't want to hear about it.  I was in a fog, and even took a nap in the car because I didn't want to sit home alone and stew, but didn't want to do anything either.  I'm hoping that this daze is short-lived, but it's still hanging around.  I don't feel like eating - which might be good, I started Weight Watchers again last week, and I've lost 2.5 pounds, so maybe a little lack of appetite is a good thing.

I made an appointment with the only RE within about 300 miles this morning.  Bad news #1: the initial consult is in my name - so we have to pay cash.  Bad News #2: the earliest available appointment is June 21st, so we're back to waiting again.  Good News #1:  when they re-do Jakobe's SA, they'll submit it to his insurance, and it should be covered.  Anyway, making that phone call seems to have used up my whole day's allotment of motivation, and forward motion, I'd like to go back to bed now.

We've got company again tonight, so I'm on the hook for more cooking, as well as smiling and having a good time.  Can I have a clone?  Maybe someone could make a Stepford me that I can take out of the closet and turn on when I'm not in the mood? No, we'll then I guess I'll fake it 'til I make it.

Olive Oil Rye Crackers
2 c all purpose flour
1 c dark rye flour
1 t  salt (I used fine sea salt)
1 c warm water
1/3 c extra virgin olive oil

Mix together all of the dry ingredients, and then using a mixer with a dough hook on medium or medium low speed, add the water and olive oil.  Let it knead for 5-10 minutes.  Mine was a little extra moist, so I added a little bit of flour half way through the kneading process (2-3 T).  Once you have a nice dough, split it up into 12 equal balls, and then let them sit for a while (at least 30 minutes)  This is the point where I put them into the fridge to wait until Friday, so if you refrigerate the dough for later, let it sit out for 30 minutes to an hour to return to room temp. 

15 minutes before you're ready to bake your crackers, put a pizza stone in your oven and preheat it to 450.

Take one of the dough balls and roll it out to your desired thickness - I made mine pretty thin, poke all over with a fork, and then transfer to the hot pizza stone.  Keep an eye on it, but let it bake until golden - about 5-10 minutes - while you roll out the next one.  Remove the finished cracker from the oven, and let it cool on a wire rack.  Repeat for all of the crackers.  When they're done, you can break them up into pieces for serving.

Variations:  you can top these cracker with whatever you want, and you can also cut them into shapes before baking (I think you'd have to make them quite a bit thicker than I did to do the shapes...)  If you don't have a pizza stone, you can use a cookie sheet - they'll take a bit longer to bake.  And if you don't have a mixer with a dough hook - I'm sorry, you get to knead by hand - therapeutic, but it gives you very tired arms.

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