22 August 2013


Today is Egg Retrieval.

There's not really a lot to say before retrievel is there?  Jakobe went in this morning to provide his deposit, and my best friend is picking me uyp and being my chauffeur today.  Waaay better than the cab ride home I had planned.

I'll be back to say how it went.

On anothers subject, kinda - when we started the process for this cycle, I asked the RE if I could keep nursing while we were going through it, and he said that it was okay.  there's no real research either way on how it affects outcomes, and whn he's had patients where it was difficult for them to conceive (even with IVF) the first time, he would reccommend that they enjoy the child that they have.  So - that's what we did.  I'm still nursing Niko, but as my hormone levels have gone completely crazy, my nipple have become incredibly sore, and it appears that my milk has mostly dried up.  we'll see what happens when they start to return to normal, but it still may be the beginning of the end.

I feel blessed to have been able to nurse her for almost 16 months at this point, and if this works, we may end up dry nursing for part of the pregnancy and then tandem nursing again later.  Or it doesn't work, and we've had that wonderful relationship, and maybe my milk will come back.  She still likes to nurse 3-5 times a day, it's just been a bit curtailed with all of the early RE appointments.

20 August 2013

Time to take the shot

Today is trigger day again.  It seems like things are looking god.  I've got the details from yesterday that I will share, but the doctor said this morning they they would call today to tell me what time to trigger.

I have a baby shower to go to tonight (which I forgot to wrap the gift for (Probably because Niko was sick last night.  She needed cuddling, had a slight fever, and needed a couple of nebulizer treatments.)  I feel bad that I won't be able to spend a lot of time with her tonight.  But I'm excited for my friend who is coming to the end of another successful IVF cycle.

Yesterday's details:

e2: 2889
Prog: 0.9
Right - 4x18-19mm, 2x16mm
Left - 5x18-19mm 1x17mm

Today's details to follow, sometime...

19 August 2013

IVF 3 Updates

So I've been lax in posting my Stims details.  Needless to say, it's going well.

Cycle Day 6 - Stims Day 4 (last Thursday)

e2  - 644
Prog - 0.5
Left: 6 between 10 and 13 mm
Right: 1 @ 11mm 7 @ 10mm

Cycle Day 8  - Stims Day 6 (Saturday)
I've got this one written down at home, so I don't have the exact numbers
e2 - 1600ish
Prog - 0.7

Left: 1 @ 16 + 5 more
Right 1 @ 15 + 5 more

Cycle Day 10 - Stims Day 8  (Today)

No lab values yet - I promise they're coming (I do want to track for my own future reference if nothing else)

A whole bunch.  Largest ones are in the 20 range.  I'm looking at probably one more day of stims and then trigger tomorrow.  there weren't many at 20, so I think they'll probably want to let them cook one more day.  And that's what the doctor implied during my ultrasound this morning.  We're getting close to the home stretch.

When I look back at the last micro flare cycle - this is looking about the same.  I started off with a couple more countable follicles this time (maybe that means I'll have a few more eggs to work with?  So, it feels good and it feels bad.  We got a good crop of eggs last time, and 7 of them ended up fertilizing, but none were transferable...  THAT REALLY SUCKS, and I don't want to go there again.

Other than that.  I'm doing pretty good.  Jakobe and I had a weekend out.  We went and stayed in the Davenport Hotel, spent a lot of time reconnecting with each other, and ti's probably a good thing, cause the last couple of weeks have been pretty rocky for us.  The IVF itself is a lot easier(Mostly because I don't deem to be a hormonal, moody, emotional train wreck!)

Last time about this time I told you all I felt like the Sta-Pufft Marshmallow Man.  It's true.  I have another way I've been describing it this time:
  Imagine that you have to fart - really fart - and you just can't.  You can feel everything built up in your belly, and it's just not going anywhere.  Yep - that's where I am.

I'll get you the final update on what day 10 really looks like a bit later.

09 August 2013

Labs Update

Here are the actual details from this morning:

Blood work:
  • E2: 27.2
  • Prog 0.21
  • LH 6.3

  • Right: 4
  • Left: 6
  • for a total of 10 - which is the lowest I've seen, but I know it varies from month to month for me, and It's still in the okay range.

All around the mulberry bush...

I wrote a whole post about how my marriage is falling apart, and we're doing IVF anyway, but decided that it was too depressing, and rambling and not at all funny.  Given the subject, I wonder why...

SO on the sunnier side of things.  My meds are here, I had my first cycle ultrasound this morning, and I think I had 10 antral follicles.(I'll get more accurate numbers when the nurse calls with my labs later today.)

I'm on a microdose Lupron flare protocol again this time, because it worked pretty well the last time. 

I'm feeling relaxed, and positive about this cycle.  Not positive as in I'm sure it's going to work (I'm thinking we're probably throwing money into a pit - it might throw up a baby in return, but it'll probably grin and belch instead) but positive as in, this is going to be okay.

Just to fill you in on details - and there's a bunch because I haven't been posting as frequently as I meant to.

My last Day 3 labs - May 9th:

  • Estradiol 41.9
  • FSH 7.6 
  • LH 3.5
  • FSH/LH ratio 2.1:1
  • TSH 1.22
My first labs from this cycle (before I stopped the BCP) - August 6th

  • Estradiol: 27.6
  • Progrsterone: 0.3
  • LH 3.5

Jakobe's Semen Analysis - end of July, results received August 7th

  • Total Count: 17 Million
  • Morphology: 3% (strict)
  • Motile Percentage: 18%
  • Motile count: 3 Million
  • 100% lack good forward progression

So - not a whole lot has changed since our last cycle almost 2 years ago - You know, other than my eggs getting older and more stale.  I'll post today's lab values a bit later.

One quick comment about the thing that makes this whole process a lot less stressful:

Isn't she adorable?

31 July 2013


It’s amazing how quickly time passes.  One day flows into the next and then here we are, it’s August. Well, it'll be August in an hour and a half!

I have been enjoying my mommyhood very much.  Every day is slightly different than the last.  It’s a good thing.  We’ve been making an effort to do something interesting (or at least something, period) every day.  I walk, a trip to the park.  My in-laws have been visiting for the last week, so we’ve headed out to the lake every day.  Swimming and barbeque - summer all wrapped up into a nice little package.  When they come, they call themselves the “Nana and Dieda Entertainment Show.”

They left for home this morning.  It’s bittersweet.  We don’t get to see enough of them, and at the same time, at the end of a visit, it feels like we got to see too much of them.  I think that if we could see them more frequently, but for shorter periods, we’d all enjoy one another better.  I wish I could work out a better way to do that, but we all live about 7 hours apart, so frequent visiting is a difficult proposition.  I think we will get to see them a bit more often in the future, as Dieda is retiring the middle of next month.

It always takes Niko a little while to warm up to them when they get here, or we get to them, and I always feel a little bit bad about it, but I can’t see that there’s anything we can really do about it (Skype isn’t really an effective option for a 15 month old, although I can see including it as she gets older.)  Otherwise, this visit was great for her.  she got to spend her days with family, and she got to go swimming at the lake pretty much every day.  That’s heaven for our little water baby.  I could wish that she was a little more cautious around water, but I just keep letting her go under for a bit hoping she realizes that she can’t breathe under there.  (for those without a sense of humor - yes I’m watching, prepared and willing to lift her back up, and no, I won’t let her drown.)

Juggling the demands of extended family is something I’m still trying to work out.  I come from a large, connected family.  Not that my immediate family is huge, but I’m pretty close with most of my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. as well.  And it’s a family that really believes in being there for eachother.  Jakobe’s family is smaller, farther away, and he has a lot less contact with his extended family.  Most of mine lives within 50 miles of us.

Sometimes we end up doing quite a bit with my family:
  • I have a sister who is struggling with an addiction, and has a daughter younger than Niko.
  • My parents got divorced two weeks before Jakobe and I married, and my family is still trying to work out how to make that family dynamic work.
  • My dad struggles mightily with depression, and is only barely able to take care of himself, as much as we want to wish otherwise.

Recently, my family has been needy.  I know it, and I can wish otherwise.  I've more than once had to drop my plans, and deal with a family crisis (mostly my sister) in the past 3 months.  But - I feel like it’s what family does.  If we needed them, they would be there for us just as fast. Jakobe sometimes feels like I’m being taken advantage of.  That and sometimes I think he wishes I had less(or was not as close to) my family.

I wasn’t quite sure how to deal with his most recent request.  My parents don’t have holidays together anymore, you know, being divorced and all, and Jakobe doesn’t want to do the multiple holiday thing anymore.  I would understand it better if we had been trying to do both holidays on the same day, 50 miles apart, but my mom has been really careful to try and pick a different day to have everyone over to celebrate the holiday with her.  I found it incredibly frustrating that he requested it, as it’s usually only one holiday a year, either Thanksgiving or Christmas (the other one is spent with his family).  My current feeling is “Fine then, you can stay home, and we’ll go.”  Anyone have any insight on how to wiggle my way into a more satisfactory solution? this compromise of him staying home and me doing things without him seems to be expanding by the day.

Niko Update:

In the past couple of months we've been through walking, and we’re really starting to see the beginning of talking.  On Saturday, Niko said her first phrase: “Hi, Daddy!”  I missed it, but I’m so glad that Jakobe didn't.  Mostly what we get from here is the words Juice (synonymous with anything in a sippy cup that isn't milk),  Doggy, and Kitty (which are almost exactly the same (doddi) and meows  - much closer to squeaks, but the squeaks sound a lot closer to what our cat actually sounds like than the word meow does!  She also gave me a kiss completely on her own initiative this week.  Which, since she’s recently been having a reluctance to give mama any kisses at all, seemed like something huge.

Infertility Update:

I’m currently on the pill in preparation for doing another Round of IVF in August.  It will be interesting to see how different it all is financially since Insurance is covering it this time.  I talked to the pharmacy this morning, and then had them run the scrips past my secondary insurance (having been denied by the first because my work doesn't provide infertility coverage) and they were supposed to call me back today, but haven't yet. We're back on the roller coaster... and I wonder what the ride will be like this time.

08 April 2013

Almost a year

Where are those eggs again?

I have started to write a post about the last year several times. It all comes down to “What Is the right thing to say?”

It has been wonderful, exhilarating, exhausting, and every other thing that you can think of that might describe new parenthood (Sleep-deprived, messy, stinky, surprising, and fantastic also included.)

In the last year Niko has changed so much. And - so have we. in little ways. I will never win the housekeeper of the year award, and having a baby around has not helped my struggle in that department. I might be able to keep my house neat -- if we got rid of all of the stuff in it.

In the last week, she has started dancing when she heard music (okay, bouncing) gotten new teeth, and is standing more and more. She’s already taken a few steps, but she’s not yet actively walking. She’s a miracle.

Nope, not a runny nose,  potato salad!
For me, the adjustment wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be, even though I still don’t get to sleep through the night. This is courtesy of my internal granola tendencies (I’m a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, co-sleeping momma). I took a new job only a week or so after I got back from maternity leave, and it required a lot of overtime at the beginning, and has completely changed my work environment. but - it was good for me, and my future prospects, so I’m not going to complain about it. I’ve always been one for taking on too much.

We’re in a bit of limbo right now. I think I have to stop breastfeeding soon. I don’t want to, Niko doesn’t want to, but I’m pretty sure our RE will want me to. (and I may only cut back). We’re getting back on the roller coaster. It’s a bit crazy, because we’re pretty broke right now, but it is what it is. Jakobe’s insurance started covering IVF this year, so we have insurance coverage, and a credit with the RE. AND - if we have a second child, I would like them to be close in age, close enough to play together, and be friends, and to have shared experiences. Oh yeah, and not have to start diapers again after we finish with the first.

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