tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77119420244737093212024-03-13T10:37:58.987-07:00Hope Springs EternalJennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.comBlogger235125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-52669520216467039222013-08-22T08:09:00.000-07:002013-08-22T08:09:01.263-07:00RetrievalToday is Egg Retrieval.<br />
<br />
There's not really a lot to say before retrievel is there? Jakobe went in this morning to provide his deposit, and my best friend is picking me uyp and being my chauffeur today. Waaay better than the cab ride home I had planned.<br />
<br />
I'll be back to say how it went.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-V5_cJ9ahe5c/UhYpQMyOKAI/AAAAAAAAAi8/R6mrmhL5ILk/s1600/nursing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-V5_cJ9ahe5c/UhYpQMyOKAI/AAAAAAAAAi8/R6mrmhL5ILk/s320/nursing.jpg" width="320" /></a>On anothers subject, kinda - when we started the process for this cycle, I asked the RE if I could keep nursing while we were going through it, and he said that it was okay. there's no real research either way on how it affects outcomes, and whn he's had patients where it was difficult for them to conceive (even with IVF) the first time, he would reccommend that they enjoy the child that they have. So - that's what we did. I'm still nursing Niko, but as my hormone levels have gone completely crazy, my nipple have become incredibly sore, and it appears that my milk has mostly dried up. we'll see what happens when they start to return to normal, but it still may be the beginning of the end.<br />
<br />
I feel blessed to have been able to nurse her for almost 16 months at this point, and if this works, we may end up dry nursing for part of the pregnancy and then tandem nursing again later. Or it doesn't work, and we've had that wonderful relationship, and maybe my milk will come back. She still likes to nurse 3-5 times a day, it's just been a bit curtailed with all of the early RE appointments.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-18379352862645484752013-08-20T07:03:00.000-07:002013-08-20T08:12:10.911-07:00Time to take the shotToday is trigger day again. It seems like things are looking god. I've got the details from yesterday that I will share, but the doctor said this morning they they would call today to tell me what time to trigger.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GV6wKDWa1yU/UhOE0yHXcDI/AAAAAAAAAis/oGcaHe2_fQU/s1600/needle.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GV6wKDWa1yU/UhOE0yHXcDI/AAAAAAAAAis/oGcaHe2_fQU/s1600/needle.PNG" /></a></div>
<br />
I have a baby shower to go to tonight (which I forgot to wrap the gift for (Probably because Niko was sick last night. She needed cuddling, had a slight fever, and needed a couple of nebulizer treatments.) I feel bad that I won't be able to spend a lot of time with her tonight. But I'm excited for my friend who is coming to the end of another successful IVF cycle.<br />
<br />
Yesterday's details:<br />
<br />
e2: 2889<br />
Prog: 0.9<br />
Follicles<br />
Right - 4x18-19mm, 2x16mm<br />
Left - 5x18-19mm 1x17mm<br />
<br />
Today's details to follow, sometime...Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-4463291162019580852013-08-19T07:18:00.000-07:002013-08-19T08:20:05.445-07:00IVF 3 UpdatesSo I've been lax in posting my Stims details. Needless to say, it's going well.<br />
<br />
Cycle Day 6 - Stims Day 4 (last Thursday)<br />
<br />
e2 - 644<br />
Prog - 0.5<br />
Follicles<br />
Left: 6 between 10 and 13 mm <br />
Right: 1 @ 11mm 7 @ 10mm<br />
<br />
Cycle Day 8 - Stims Day 6 (Saturday)<br />
<i>I've got this one written down at home, so I don't have the exact numbers</i><br />
e2 - 1600ish<br />
Prog - 0.7 <br />
<br />
Follicles<br />
Left: 1 @ 16 + 5 more<br />
Right 1 @ 15 + 5 more<br />
<br />
Cycle Day 10 - Stims Day 8 (Today)<br />
<br />
No lab values yet - I promise they're coming (I do want to track for my own future reference if nothing else)<br />
<br />
Follicles<br />
A whole bunch. Largest ones are in the 20 range. I'm looking at probably one more day of stims and then trigger tomorrow. there weren't many at 20, so I think they'll probably want to let them cook one more day. And that's what the doctor implied during my ultrasound this morning. We're getting close to the home stretch.<br />
<br />
When I look back at the last micro flare cycle - this is looking about the same. I started off with a couple more countable follicles this time (maybe that means I'll have a few more eggs to work with? So, it feels good and it feels bad. We got a good crop of eggs last time, and 7 of them ended up fertilizing, but none were transferable... THAT REALLY SUCKS, and I don't want to go there again.<br />
<br />
Other than that. I'm doing pretty good. Jakobe and I had a weekend out. We went and stayed in the Davenport Hotel, spent a lot of time reconnecting with each other, and ti's probably a good thing, cause the last couple of weeks have been pretty rocky for us. The IVF itself is a lot easier(Mostly because I don't deem to be a hormonal, moody, emotional train wreck!)<br />
<br />
Last time about this time I told you all I felt like the Sta-Pufft Marshmallow Man. It's true. I have another way I've been describing it this time:<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nNcx0MI7fDc/UhI3AhIRElI/AAAAAAAAAic/T3MShksvrW4/s1600/balloon.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nNcx0MI7fDc/UhI3AhIRElI/AAAAAAAAAic/T3MShksvrW4/s1600/balloon.PNG" height="320" width="218" /></a></div>
Imagine that you have to fart - really fart - and you just can't. You can feel everything built up in your belly, and it's just not going anywhere. Yep - that's where I am.<br />
<br />
I'll get you the final update on what day 10 really looks like a bit later. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-76994570660538898482013-08-09T16:15:00.000-07:002013-08-09T16:15:00.582-07:00Labs UpdateHere are the actual details from this morning:<br />
<br />
Blood work:<br />
<ul>
<li>E2: 27.2</li>
<li>Prog 0.21</li>
<li>LH 6.3</li>
</ul>
<br />
Follicles<br />
<ul>
<li>Right: 4</li>
<li>Left: 6</li>
<li>for a total of 10 - which is the lowest I've seen, but I know it varies from month to month for me, and It's still in the okay range. </li>
</ul>
Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-52144438440138981372013-08-09T07:00:00.000-07:002013-08-09T09:03:53.795-07:00All around the mulberry bush...I wrote a whole post about how my marriage is falling apart, and we're doing IVF anyway, but decided that it was too depressing, and rambling and not at all funny. Given the subject, I wonder why...<br />
<br />
SO on the sunnier side of things. My meds are here, I had my first cycle ultrasound this morning, and I think I had 10 antral follicles.(I'll get more accurate numbers when the nurse calls with my labs later today.)<br />
<br />
I'm on a microdose Lupron flare protocol again this time, because it worked pretty well the last time. <br />
<br />
I'm feeling relaxed, and positive about this cycle. Not positive as in I'm sure it's going to work (I'm thinking we're probably throwing money into a pit - it might throw up a baby in return, but it'll probably grin and belch instead) but positive as in, this is going to be okay.<br />
<br />
Just to fill you in on details - and there's a bunch because I haven't been posting as frequently as I meant to.<br />
<br />
My last Day 3 labs - May 9th:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Estradiol 41.9</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">FSH 7.6 </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">LH 3.5</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">FSH/LH ratio 2.1:1</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">TSH 1.22</span></li>
</ul>
My first labs from this cycle (before I stopped the BCP) - August 6th<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Estradiol: 27.6</li>
<li>Progrsterone: 0.3</li>
<li>LH 3.5</li>
</ul>
<br />
Jakobe's Semen Analysis - end of July, results received August 7th<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Total Count: 17 Million</li>
<li>Morphology: 3% (strict)</li>
<li>Motile Percentage: 18%</li>
<li>Motile count: 3 Million</li>
<li>100% lack good forward progression</li>
</ul>
<br />
So - not a whole lot has changed since our last cycle almost 2 years ago - You know, other than my eggs getting older and more stale. I'll post today's lab values a bit later.<br />
<br />
One quick comment about the thing that makes this whole process a lot less stressful:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2UnkZoqQb3w/UgUR-o1UpjI/AAAAAAAAAiI/VS-9VSOrIiE/s1600/camping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2UnkZoqQb3w/UgUR-o1UpjI/AAAAAAAAAiI/VS-9VSOrIiE/s1600/camping.jpg" height="400" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Isn't she adorable?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-24803647400816250462013-07-31T22:23:00.000-07:002013-07-31T22:23:58.385-07:00Summertime<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s amazing how quickly time passes. One day flows into the next and then here we are, it’s August. Well, it'll be August in an hour and a half!</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-489e615b-384c-a6d2-f0c6-7c86f7f0d935" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have been enjoying my mommyhood very much. Every day is slightly different than the last. It’s a good thing. We’ve been making an effort to do something interesting (or at least something, period) every day. I walk, a trip to the park. My in-laws have been visiting for the last week, so we’ve headed out to the lake every day. Swimming and barbeque - summer all wrapped up into a nice little package. When they come, they call themselves the “Nana and Dieda Entertainment Show.”</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iVra0nUQ-2A/UfnvrhwLZHI/AAAAAAAAAh0/ASdAhxj7S1A/s1600/at+the+lake+7-25-2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iVra0nUQ-2A/UfnvrhwLZHI/AAAAAAAAAh0/ASdAhxj7S1A/s400/at+the+lake+7-25-2013.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They left for home this morning. It’s bittersweet. We don’t get to see enough of them, and at the same time, at the end of a visit, it feels like we got to see too much of them. I think that if we could see them more frequently, but for shorter periods, we’d all enjoy one another better. I wish I could work out a better way to do that, but we all live about 7 hours apart, so frequent visiting is a difficult proposition. I think we will get to see them a bit more often in the future, as Dieda is retiring the middle of next month. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It always takes Niko a little while to warm up to them when they get here, or we get to them, and I always feel a little bit bad about it, but I can’t see that there’s anything we can really do about it (Skype isn’t really an effective option for a 15 month old, although I can see including it as she gets older.) Otherwise, this visit was great for her. she got to spend her days with family, and she got to go swimming at the lake pretty much every day. That’s heaven for our little water baby. I could wish that she was a little more cautious around water, but I just keep letting her go under for a bit hoping she realizes that she can’t breathe under there. (for those without a sense of humor - yes I’m watching, prepared and willing to lift her back up, and no, I won’t let her drown.)</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juggling the demands of extended family is something I’m still trying to work out. I come from a large, connected family. Not that my immediate family is huge, but I’m pretty close with most of my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. as well. And it’s a family that really believes in being there for eachother. Jakobe’s family is smaller, farther away, and he has a lot less contact with his extended family. Most of mine lives within 50 miles of us.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Sometimes we end up doing quite a bit with my family:</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I have a sister who is struggling with an addiction, and has a daughter younger than Niko. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My parents got divorced two weeks before Jakobe and I married, and my family is still trying to work out how to make that family dynamic work. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> My dad struggles mightily with depression, and is only barely able to take care of himself, as much as we want to wish otherwise. </span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Recently, my family has been needy. I know it, and I can wish otherwise. I've more than once had to drop my plans, and deal with a family crisis (mostly my sister) in the past 3 months. But - I feel like it’s what family does. If we needed them, they would be there for us just as fast. Jakobe sometimes feels like I’m being taken advantage of. That and sometimes I think he wishes I had less(or was not as close to) my family.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wasn’t quite sure how to deal with his most recent request. My parents don’t have holidays together anymore, you know, being divorced and all, and Jakobe doesn’t want to do the multiple holiday thing anymore. I would understand it better if we had been trying to do both holidays on the same day, 50 miles apart, but my mom has been really careful to try and pick a different day to have everyone over to celebrate the holiday with her. I found it incredibly frustrating that he requested it, as it’s usually only one holiday a year, either Thanksgiving or Christmas (the other one is spent with his family). My current feeling is “Fine then, you can stay home, and we’ll go.” Anyone have any insight on how to wiggle my way into a more satisfactory solution? this compromise of him staying home and me doing things without him seems to be expanding by the day.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Niko Update:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PMd2pE3cWyM/UfnvfI6J8EI/AAAAAAAAAhs/TcuKeeim6Lc/s1600/playground.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PMd2pE3cWyM/UfnvfI6J8EI/AAAAAAAAAhs/TcuKeeim6Lc/s400/playground.jpg" width="285" /></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the past couple of months we've been through walking, and we’re really starting to see the beginning of talking. On Saturday, Niko said her first phrase: “Hi, Daddy!” I missed it, but I’m so glad that Jakobe didn't. Mostly what we get from here is the words Juice (synonymous with anything in a sippy cup that isn't milk), Doggy, and Kitty (which are almost exactly the same (doddi) and meows - much closer to squeaks, but the squeaks sound a lot closer to what our cat actually sounds like than the word meow does! She also gave me a kiss completely on her own initiative this week. Which, since she’s recently been having a reluctance to give mama any kisses at all, seemed like something huge.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Infertility Update:</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m currently on the pill in preparation for doing another Round of IVF in August. It will be interesting to see how different it all is financially since Insurance is covering it this time. I talked to the pharmacy this morning, and then had them run the scrips past my secondary insurance (having been denied by the first because my work doesn't provide infertility coverage) and they were supposed to call me back today, but haven't yet. We're back on the roller coaster... and I wonder what the ride will be like this time.</span></div>
Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-88880007329923348222013-04-08T21:53:00.001-07:002013-04-08T21:55:19.593-07:00Almost a year<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ykpZ9xL3XHg/UWOeatbgOSI/AAAAAAAAAgs/eQt31Z9iCgk/s1600/20130331_3984cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ykpZ9xL3XHg/UWOeatbgOSI/AAAAAAAAAgs/eQt31Z9iCgk/s320/20130331_3984cropped.jpg" width="255" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Where are those eggs again?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" id="internal-source-marker_0.34818532976945704" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;">I have started to write a post about the last year several times. It all comes down to “What Is the right thing to say?”</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;">It has been wonderful, exhilarating, exhausting, and every other thing that you can think of that might describe new parenthood (Sleep-deprived, messy, stinky, surprising, and fantastic also included.)</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15;">In the last year Niko has changed so much. And - so have we. in little ways. I will never win the housekeeper of the year award, and having a baby around has not </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;">helped</span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15;"> my struggle in that department. I might be able to keep my house neat -- if we got rid of all of the stuff in it.</span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;">In the last week, she has started dancing when she heard music (okay, bouncing) gotten new teeth, and is standing more and more. She’s already taken a few steps, but she’s not yet actively walking. She’s a miracle.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o6P1Kevfa-M/UWOeai7CSRI/AAAAAAAAAgw/HNEY1hrqkFQ/s1600/20130330_4095.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o6P1Kevfa-M/UWOeai7CSRI/AAAAAAAAAgw/HNEY1hrqkFQ/s320/20130330_4095.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nope, not a runny nose, potato salad!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15;">For me, the adjustment </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;">wasn't</span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15;"> as difficult as I thought it might be, even though I still don’t get to sleep through the night. This is courtesy of my internal granola tendencies (I’m a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, co-sleeping momma). I took a new job only a week or so after I got back from maternity leave, and it required a lot of overtime at the beginning, and has completely changed my work environment. but - it was good for me, and my future prospects, so I’m not going to complain about it. I’ve always been one for taking on too much.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;">We’re in a bit of limbo right now. I think I have to stop breastfeeding soon. I don’t want to, Niko doesn’t want to, but I’m pretty sure our RE will want me to. (and I may only cut back). We’re getting back on the roller coaster. It’s a bit crazy, because we’re pretty broke right now, but it is what it is. Jakobe’s insurance started covering IVF this year, so we have insurance coverage, and a credit with the RE. AND - if we have a second child, I would like them to be close in age, close enough to play together, and be friends, and to have shared experiences. Oh yeah, and not have to start diapers again after we finish with the first.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-8140426350592438192012-05-24T10:25:00.000-07:002012-05-24T10:25:46.537-07:00A blog first<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have to say that my last post was the
first time I have received a negative comment on my blog, and it's
taken me some time to figure out how I wanted to respond. For those
of you who don't read the comments – here it is, so that you know
what I'm talking about:</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.49in;">
<cite><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/11042385809287213975"><span style="color: #771111;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Lucida Sans Unicode, trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><b>StaN</b></span></span></span></span></span></a></cite><a href="http://jenniyak.blogspot.com/2012/05/induced-lactation-results.html?showComment=1337562343586#c4540949972645030905"><span style="color: #771111;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Lucida Sans Unicode, trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">May
20, 2012 6:05 PM</span></span></span></span></span></span></a></div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-left: 0.49in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<a href="" name="bc_0_1MC"></a>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Lucida Sans Unicode, trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Day
care? Day care? DAY CARE for a 6 week old infant?!???</span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-left: 0.49in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Lucida Sans Unicode, trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">That is
cruel! A baby deserves time to bond with its parents! Not to be
banished to institutional care at the ripe old age of 40 days!!<br /><br />I
sure hope the first parents know you're doing this!! I cannot imagine
any first mom would let an amom planning to dump a teeny-tiny baby in
daycare!!!</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have a lot of things that
I wish to say to this. Yes, I am going back to work after six weeks,
which I don't think that anyone believes to be ideal, but in my
household I am the primary breadwinner, and I don't have paid
maternity leave. When I go back to work, my husband is staying home
for two weeks, and then my mother-in-law will be here for the two
days that I have to work the week of the fourth of July. This wasn't
an easy decision for us, and there are many factors that come into
play, like the fact that because of Jakobe's diabetes and the cost of
health insurance, we can't afford for him to become a stay-at-home
dad. Me being a stay-at-home mom was never an option, no matter how
much I would like it to be. We are doing the best that we can.</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As far as characterizing our
daycare as “institutional care” I find it to be a gross
mischaracterization of our plan, made by someone who has more
politics than knowledge of our situation. The first parents know
exactly what we are doing, as Niko will be attending the same in-home
care as her first siblings.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Be outraged if you want. I
am. I'm outraged that someone would come here, bringing the “mommy
wars” with them, to tell me what a terrible mother I am before I've
had even three weeks with my daughter. We all have to make choices
and compromises.</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Be outraged, I am. I am
outraged that I live in one of the most advanced countries in the
world, but I have no paid maternity leave. I am using every drop of
my vacation and sick leave to stay at home as long as I can – and
that's not right. Every other first world country has paid parental
leave because they recognize the importance of family, and bonding,
and how that makes for a stronger society, and most likely a more
productive workforce whose mind is on their work while they are
there, and not at home (or wherever their child is being cared for)
with a child that the parents aren't ready to leave. So if I sound
defensive, it's because I am. I want to stay at home longer, I want
to be there with her, and I don't get to be. I can't imagine yet how
hard it is going to be to go back to work. But, I don't really have
a choice. Two rounds of IVF, and an adoption that fell in our lap
from the gods have drained our savings, the money I had planned to
use to cover the unpaid time off I wanted to take when I had a child.
The short term disability policy that I've been paying for for
years doesn't apply. Why? Because I'm not “recovering from
childbirth.” The best laid plans, right?</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So I guess what I am saying
to StaN is: know what you're talking about before you make judgments.
And if all else fails follow the golden rule. Or – just keep your
damn mouth shut – you don't have the right to judge me.</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
To the rest of you: thanks
for putting up with my rant, and maybe someday we can make a change
to the family policies and politics of this country. Politicians
like to say that family is central to our lived. Maybe it's time for
them to put their votes where their mouth is.</div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-66866743160657284352012-05-17T12:16:00.000-07:002012-05-17T12:16:00.022-07:00Induced Lactation - The resultsI make milk. not a lot, not enough, but I do make milk. <br />
<br />
The lactation consultant calls it a miracle - mostly because I have never ever been even a little bit pregnant.<br />
<br />
At last check Niko was getting about 1/4 to 1/2 and ounce from me when breastfeeding - so we're supplementing with a lot of first mom's pumped breast milk. Our current goal is to introduce no formula until she's at least a month old. She's also getting almost all of her nutrition at the breast, with the help of a Lact-Aid. While I may not make anywhere near enough milk for her, there are so many other benefits that I'm not giving up. Nothing calms he down when she's upset faster that being put to the breast, and the little sleepy satiated smiles that she gives when she's full but still suckling are among the best ever. We'll keep this up as long as we can. <br />
<br />
It's been so worth it.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-12676961671617927462012-05-15T12:03:00.000-07:002012-05-15T12:03:06.489-07:00On the Fist Week of Motherhood<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bSOgHrZvHbs/T7KnvtyU6uI/AAAAAAAAAfw/qTvKZxHfqHA/s1600/IMAG0314.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bSOgHrZvHbs/T7KnvtyU6uI/AAAAAAAAAfw/qTvKZxHfqHA/s320/IMAG0314.jpg" width="320" /></a>Before I can say anything else, I just
have to say, in a tone of utmost wonder I am a mother.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This week has been one of the most
amazing weeks of my life. And as a capstone, My baby girl, the most
beautiful baby you have ever seen, finished her very first bath...
by pooping in her hoodie towel. Okay, maybe not finished, because
she had to get back into the bath.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sleep is a luxury, one that I treasure
and don't get anywhere near enough of, but at the same time, there
are small joys in the lack of sleep, like a head totally picked up so
that a very small face can peer at you in the dark, that are
unmatched in my dreams.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZCKz4mhWn5s/T7KnwbdpzoI/AAAAAAAAAf4/6Cmj91f5gC4/s1600/IMAG0326-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZCKz4mhWn5s/T7KnwbdpzoI/AAAAAAAAAf4/6Cmj91f5gC4/s320/IMAG0326-1.jpg" width="180" /></a>Niko was born last Friday, at 10:44 pm.
She weighed 8 lbs 2oz, was 20.5 inches long, and had a head
circumference of 13.5. for tho9se who care about other details, her
apgar scores were 8 and 9 – both knocked down for color. The cord
wasn't wrapped around her neck, just over her shoulder and around the
rest of her like a boa constrictor. He first mother was a champion.
She was induced first thing in the morning, but things didn't move
very quickly until they broke her bag of waters at about 6 pm –
after her epidural. When it came to pushing, it was all over in one
contraction. So – Our daughter was born with a beautiful round
head, instead of the common cone-head.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
We stayed in the Hospital until late
Sunday morning, long enough to avoid worst of the Bloomsday madness
downtown. Once we got home, we all got settled in. First Mom was
staying with us until we got her milk supply established, because
she's pumping and providing breast milk to make up for my very
limited production, so we had a room for her, and for her youngest
son, so that she could cuddle her baby while she was here. She stayed
until Thursday afternoon. In most ways it was great, but I wasn't
prepared for the bustle of a bored thr4ee-year-old in my house, and
sleeping during the day was just not possible.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Other things we did this week:</div>
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
On Monday, we went to court with
first Mom while she relinquished their rights to Niko. When she
came out of the courtroom I could tell that it was hard for her, but
all she did was give me a great big hug, and tell me “She's yours
now.”</div>
</li>
<li><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
On Tuesday, we saw the
pediatrician, and the lactation consultant for the first time. Both
appointments went well, but We learned that I am not all that great
at getting Niko to latch correctly, and it was affecting my minimal
supply in a negative manner. (I was an excellent student at the
brain based stuff – but sports and coordination we not really my
forte, and correct latching should be an Olympic sport.) Also –
My sister and brother in law came over to visit.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Wednesday, We didn't do much. My
Mom came to visit on her way home from work. Just a lot of
practicing and trying to make breastfeeding work better. Plus we
were on an every 2 Hour schedule. (from start to start. Wake,
feed, supplement, pump, sleep in whatever time was left) The while
first family came over for dinner.
</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Thursday, First mom went home in
the early afternoon. I lent her one of my hospital grade rental
pumps to use, instead of a manual pump. Hopefully it works better
for her, and helps her out when she goes back to work. Thursday
Night the whole family came back – So the dads could talk about
one of their hobbies. Honestly – I just wanted to sleep.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Friday, back to the lactation
consultant. I'm still only makking about ½ an ounce of milk per
feeding, but – I no longer have to pump in the middle of the
night, and I have learned how to use the lact-aid, so w can
breastfeed and supplement at the same time, and it should help my
supply more than the breast pump did. My best friend and her
finacee came over for our normal friday get-together, and he made us
dinner. I love them!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
(...pause to feed the baby, and maybe
run errands)</div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B9fn4LHMF8I/T7KnxCat80I/AAAAAAAAAgA/_ysQChDwiMo/s1600/IMAG0343-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B9fn4LHMF8I/T7KnxCat80I/AAAAAAAAAgA/_ysQChDwiMo/s320/IMAG0343-1.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Note – that pause lasted 4 days. So,
I figured that I had better post this while I have a moment.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com6Spokane, WA, USA47.6587802 -117.426046647.5732212 -117.5839751 47.744339200000006 -117.26811810000001tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-61753262618629416892012-05-05T12:06:00.000-07:002012-05-15T12:08:07.080-07:00Introducing Niko<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OuP4Ktfr8Fk/T7KpLL1I-SI/AAAAAAAAAgI/m7hJlGLlQ8E/s1600/IMAG0329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OuP4Ktfr8Fk/T7KpLL1I-SI/AAAAAAAAAgI/m7hJlGLlQ8E/s400/IMAG0329.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Born 5/4/12 - on Star Wars Day, just for her daddy.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
10:44 pm</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
8 lbs 2 oz</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
20.5 Inches long</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Head circumference 13.5 inches</div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-52525739307891028232012-03-26T18:12:00.001-07:002012-03-26T18:12:48.520-07:00Bit by bit<p><a href='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-0RnpAI1xGK8/T3EUDCnBlkI/AAAAAAAAAfk/EuCdKNiNhvA/s0/IMAG0264.jpg'><img src='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-0RnpAI1xGK8/T3EUDCnBlkI/AAAAAAAAAfk/EuCdKNiNhvA/s400/IMAG0264.jpg' /></a></p><p>I don't have a whole lot to contribute to the ALI world right now.  We're waiting.  And waiting.  I would guess that this is probably pretty close to the way it feels when you're pregnant and waiting for the baby to put in her appearance, it's also completely unreal, because I'm not pregnant, so the tangible part has to be taken on faith.</p> <br/> <p>We're still working our way through money issues, because we are far from rich.  I've been calling daycares, and $650 a month is sounding like it's a good deal, the one I talked to yesterday was $50 a day, or more than $1000 a month.  Yikes.  Almost makes me want to consider making a Jakobe a stay-at-home dad.  But not quite, we need his health insurance - for him.  So, more searching, and I don't even have a clue about how you're supposed to look for one.  </p> <br/> <p>I've washed lots and lots of baby clothes, and we still need to put together her dresser, but since we're not finishing her room until the egress window goes in (this week hopefully) It seems a little ahead of myself to set up the dresser - but where in the heck am I supposed to put her clothes in the meanwhile?  Dilemmas.</p> <br/> <p>The bane-of-my-existance-carseat is in my car, and Jakobe's teddy bear from his childhood has been driving around with me for a week.  Thankfully, he's rear-facing, so H can't tell any tales of what an adventure it is to ride in the car with me.  While I'm on leave, Jakobe and I will mostly be switching cars, it doesn't make sense for me to have the Prius sitting in our driveway while Jakobe drives the Jetta to work, wasting massive amounts of gas the whole 5 miles.  I *so* want his commute.</p> <br/> <p>We should pick up an infant carseat for the other car, but I'm now seriously considering buying a cheapish one and putting up with some of the inconvenient features becayse we probably will use it for less than a year.  I've been offered hand me down's but since thi original user is now more than 6 years old, it makes me nervous, and I think I'll be buying new.</p> <br/> <p>No real progress on the breastfeeding front.  I bought the tubing an accessories for the hospital grade pump, and they also convert into a double manual pump.  I can actually get something using the pump now, but hand expression is still better, if almost nil.  End of this week I'll order the domperidone, and the rental pump, and then it's off to the moo-cow races.</p> <br/> <div style='clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;'>Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4</div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-68092813624785865952012-03-14T21:34:00.000-07:002012-03-14T21:34:40.886-07:00Caught in the Middle......between expectations and desires<br />
...between my hisband and reality<br />
...between fuck if I know<br />
<br />
It's been a while since I updated all of you out here in the blogosphere about what's going on with us. and that's mostly becasue a lot has been going on, and I've bbeen going crazy with trying to figure out how to put everything together and make this work.<br />
<br />
The biggest hurdles right now are financial. Why? Becasue the expenses of this Adoption have ballooned to be almost twice what we were led to believe at the outset, and that's becasue they are our friends and are being nice, it could have ballooned even more. This is some expensive shit. Honestly though, it's not like I didn't know that were were going to be going into some major debt for this. We didn't have any time to save, and we blew all of our savings on IVF last year. So, as much as we're not really poor, we are very definately broke. And - it sucks.<br />
<br />
A bigger problem is communication, and getting blindsided with expenses at unexpected times. So after we talked about medical expenses earlier, and I thought we might have the start of a plan, we got a call from our lawyer today saying that he needed a check from us for $900. Today. Aargh. Anyway, it's done - taken care of. And, although I had to use my grediut card, I got a pretty good deal on the interest rate - for now. <br />
<br />
In other news. I now have a bunch of hand me down clothes and diapers and diaper covers that are currently being washed and then will be folded and put away. and - I have some adorable new stuff that came in the mail as a present for *BLOG NAME NOT YET DETERMINED* - Thank you Foxy!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jv2cgICnk50/T2FvlrSBVLI/AAAAAAAAAfY/nsPvov-Y3vU/s1600/dresser.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jv2cgICnk50/T2FvlrSBVLI/AAAAAAAAAfY/nsPvov-Y3vU/s320/dresser.jpg" width="213" /></a>So, we're a lot closer. We still need an infant carseat and a crib. I was initially thinking about a co-sleeper, but I think we'll side car the crib instead. But - We're not going to have a cold nekkid baby. And we got this awesome room divider thing to use as a dresser. We can set it on end right now so that it's easy for us to use, but then we can later put it on it's side so that all the drawers are easy for her to reach. I love this idea!<br />
<br />
I'm waiting for the accessory kit for the breastpump to get to me, and wondering why it take so long (and $10) to ship something 4 miles. I'm also getting ready to order the domperidone, cause we're getting closer tio me starting to take that. On the breastfeeding/milkmaking front I'm mostly where I was before. IU've3 got some dribbles, but that's about it. We'll see what happens when the dom and the breast pump make it into the mix.<br />
<br />
We've also pretty much finalized out leave plans. I'm going to take 6 weeks. It'll use up all of my vacation and sick leave, but I can basically swing it. Then Jakobe will take 2 weeks, and then, then it's daycare. Any good tips on finding one?<br />
<br />
So, I guess to tie it all up, we're broke, going for broker, and I'm sitting here winding down at the end of my day with a large glass of port.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-5795836603977152412012-03-02T22:58:00.000-08:002012-03-02T22:58:19.052-08:00on SleepI know I should be working on making sure that I am as well rested as I can be, after all - I have the luxury (if you want to call it that) if not having to fight my pregnant body to be able to sleep. And I feel like in some ways, I'm doing pretty well. I'm certainly waking up better in the morning, even before I drink one of my two now-ritual daily cups of coffee. But sleep is an elusive beast, never fully tamed, escaping the bars of it's cage and running far away. Which is to say that I feel like I am having pregnancy dreams. Or at least dreams that are trying to work out all of those things that are stressing me out. Our unfinished bedroom/nursery, the phone call I need to make again to the daycare, figuring out how our finances will really work, and realizing that I can really only take 6 weeks off of work, because I can only eat about 2 weeks of unpaid time, and even that is going to be very hard, and finally - our lack of baby stuff.<br />
<br />
We have:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>A convertible Carseat</li>
<li>A hand-me-down pack in play (I like hand-me-downs)</li>
<li>Two Onesies</li>
<li>One Bib</li>
<li>One bag of swag from the midwife (3 bottles of liquid formula)</li>
<li>a Secretary desk I think I can use as a dresser/changing table</li>
</ul><div>We are: 63 days from her expected due date, and I'm starting to feel very unprepared. </div><div><br />
</div><div>But nothing compares to the dreams, the ones that highlight my every anxiety. A couple of times now they've been about breastfeeding, and I wasn't making milk, and Jakobe kept feeding her fruit and not waking me up to feed her. And - She was very irritated about the whole thing and told me all about it, whilst rearing up and trying to attach to my nipple like a cobra about to strike! Yeah, fun.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I assume that all of this is a good thing, and am happy to say that we have a wall put up in the soon to be Master & Nursery. This weekend we need to texture, and try and move the guest furniture up to the "man cave" so that it can be stored there while the window goes in. That and I want to have a date with my husband. It'll all fit somehow.<br />
<br />
Look at our new Wall:<br />
<embed flashvars="host=picasaweb.google.com&hl=en_US&feat=flashalbum&RGB=0x000000&feed=https%3A%2F%2Fpicasaweb.google.com%2Fdata%2Ffeed%2Fapi%2Fuser%2F114242020437881607945%2Falbumid%2F5715560625708700177%3Falt%3Drss%26kind%3Dphoto%26hl%3Den_US" height="192" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" src="https://picasaweb.google.com/s/c/bin/slideshow.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="288"></embed></div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-49743872822232791442012-02-23T21:04:00.000-08:002012-02-23T21:04:55.410-08:00Expecting<div class="MsoNormal">My bubble of waiting <br />
is thin-skinned<br />
easily burst<br />
The slightest breeze of envy<br />
causes it to ripple<br />
and shift around me<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Without balance<br />
it shudders<br />
leaving me to wonder<br />
if I can stay on solid ground<br />
and fly away<br />
both<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Seeing the world through<br />
its rainbow hues<br />
seems less than real<br />
and more<br />
I step carefully<br />
shifting only slightly<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Waiting for the<br />
POP,<br />
to be crushed by reality<br />
or to float away<br />
carried in the wind<br />
of a new dream<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I wrote the poem yesterday, and on Saturday we have the home visit for our Home-study. Or family and friends have been amazingly helpful and supportive, and we've gotten a lot done, but I still can't help but feel totally and completely nervous. What if something goes wrong?<br />
<br />
I'm also feeling a bit sad to go along with all of the excitement. Sad about ht parts of this experience that I don't get to have. I'm working my way through it, but I didn't exactly think that all of the feelings about my infertility were going to go away just because we're adopting. I still have to deal with them. It's easier, and harder. Easier, because I don't fear that we'll never get to be parents. Harder because I feel a little bit guilty for my sadness in a way that I didn't before.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry that I've been pretty quiet over here. I've been focused on doing things here instead of writing about doing things, and When I get involved with my life and have less angst, I seem to write less. We'll see how things go from here on out.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KNKRnaIZXOk/T0caQjDbiNI/AAAAAAAAAes/pVe5E66buvY/s1600/Quilt1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KNKRnaIZXOk/T0caQjDbiNI/AAAAAAAAAes/pVe5E66buvY/s320/Quilt1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I *did* make my very first quilt for her. and I'll share a picture of it with you.</div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-14421311039910086632012-02-23T20:57:00.000-08:002012-02-23T20:57:19.918-08:00Feelings<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QR87KRzoxJo/Tx9DgZVs_oI/AAAAAAAAAeg/jqfi64HjxdE/s1600/NurseryPaintPlan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QR87KRzoxJo/Tx9DgZVs_oI/AAAAAAAAAeg/jqfi64HjxdE/s320/NurseryPaintPlan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I can’t even begin to explain how excited I am about our adoption. It just makes me happy inside. I am enjoying spending time figuring out nursery colors and furniture and a registry. I’m getting ready to make a set of three matching/coordinating flannel crib quilts (and no, I don’t really have a crib yet… at least not one that we want to use). <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I have spent the last week running around trying to get all of the details put together. I picked up our Birth Certificates from the safety deposit box last night, and Jakobe is supposed to be continuing to work on the questionnaire so that we can get the rest of the Home Study paperwork turned in. We did get the most time sensitive piece done – Our background Check/Fingerprint cards have been mailed to the FBI. Let’s hope for speedy processing!!!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">On the Induced lactation front – I was making good progress with stimulation, but now either my impending period, or the fact that I started the Yaz is making my dribbles dry up. If it’s the Yaz, then it should mean that I’m proliferating more milk making cells instead of making milk. We’ll see. I will stick to the plan.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
--Sharing this late, because somehow I forgot to hit the publish button....</div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-8717270488095450752012-01-14T14:58:00.000-08:002012-01-14T14:58:26.451-08:00Making MilkSo - yesterday was my appointment with the Lactation Consultant, and it went pretty darn well, she was pleased that we had a lot of time to work with - and careful to warn me that it's a lot of effort if the adoption doesn't go through. She has her own modified version of the <a href="http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/gn_protocols.shtml">Newman-Goldfarb protocol</a>, which is the protocol I'll be following. I thought I'd share it here. A - because it's important info to have out there, and B - so I don't forget it either.<br />
<br />
I will be using domperidone (she prefers not to use Reglan, and it's contraindicated for me anyway) because I'm okay with ordering it online, and not freaked out by the slightly behind the government's back way of doing things. She does say that the dom should be actually approved sometime next year.<br />
<br />
So - Here's the plan:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>When we are about 12-13 weeks out from the due date, I start taking Yaz continuously.</li>
<li>At 2-3 weeks before the due date, I start adding the dom. </li>
<ol>
<li>Starting dosage for the dom is 2 tablets three times a day - continue at that dose for 5-7 days</li>
<li>Continuing dosage of the dom is 3 tablets 3 times a day (can go slightly higher - max is 4 tabs 3 times a day)</li>
</ol>
<li>When we go to the higher dose of dom, we stop the Yaz, and start pumping and hand expression 8 times a day (and one of those will be in the middle of the night, if not 2).</li>
</ol>
<div>
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-56xSJ2VdQ1g/TxIIga27psI/AAAAAAAAAeU/L2eGAiB08Q8/s1600/breastpump.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-56xSJ2VdQ1g/TxIIga27psI/AAAAAAAAAeU/L2eGAiB08Q8/s320/breastpump.jpg" width="320" /></a>I apparently respond much better to hand expression than I do to the pump. With hand expression I can get drips right now, but the pump did nothing for me. I know that the drips aren't usual for most people, but I've been a bit of a drip for like 8 years, so I guess I'm used to it. I can hand express as I feel like it between now and when pumping begins.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The reason that it's not a firm timeline is that some of it will depend on if it looks like she'd going to be here a bit early. The lactation consultant also said that I should be prepared for the consultants at the other hospital - where she will be born - to be less than helpful. She would like the birthmom to express colostrum to be spoonfed for the first couple of feedings - and for me to suckle as well. I know that after that she plans to pump for a little while to give us some breast milk.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Finally - she very much says that I need to rent a hospital grade pump, so I'm going to have to figure out which one that needs to be. The Symphony one from the Hospital is $80 a month, and insurance won't help out until after the baby is here, there's another one I was looking at that is $45 for the first month, and then $25 a month after that, but she wanted to make sure that it was one she felt would work well. I'll probably hear from her next week sometime.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In a bit of awesome news - my authorization letter for the Lactation consultant arrived in the mail last night - I'm approved for 15 visits in the next year, so we shouldn't have a problem on that end. I'll likely be able to go right away after she comes home.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That's the plan. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-6600960410314058862012-01-11T19:44:00.000-08:002012-01-11T19:44:24.816-08:00Enter the whirlwind<a href="http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTQ5MTA4MDA5Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTgwMjE5._V1._SY317_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTQ5MTA4MDA5Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTgwMjE5._V1._SY317_.jpg" /></a>Sometimes life just goes crazy on you, and the whirlwind comes and picks you up and takes you off to Oz. That's about how I'm feeling right now. The possible adoption that I mentioned before our IVF in the fall - they approached us again - We thought it had been taken off the table, and they thought we had decided not to. Turns out we were both wrong. So now I'm inhabiting the crazy world of trying to get the lawyer/home-study and everything else done. Right now. Why? because I'm a little bit paranoid about forgetting things, and because we're now expecting a little girl in May.<br />
<br />
Is this the appropriate moment to say "Holy Sh*t!"?<br />
<br />
In any case. We all have an appointment with the Lawyer next Thursday, and I have an appointment with the Lactation Consultant this Friday. We got most of our home-study packet last night, and I, at least, have started working on it. To be fair, Jakobe was busy after it got here last night, and then he was at work today, so I can't expect him to have done all that much :)<br />
<br />
I'm excited, and nervous, and scared. I made my best friend go looking at BRU last night to burn off nervous energy. No. I did not buy anything. I keep thinking off all the million things that we have to do, and worrying that we're not going to be good enough for the social worker, and we won't have a clean enough house (I'm thinking about enlisting M-I-L to that end.)<br />
<br />
As a side note, it was amazing how un-monumental our appointment with the RE on Monday felt. Basically, he didn't tell us anything we didn't expect to hear. We're a little bit screwed on that front. Oh well. He still couldn't burst my bubble.<br />
<br />
Anyway - anyone with experience with adoptive breastfeeding. Let me know how your experience went. I'm curious, and that's my plan. <br />
<br />
Also - the expectant parents are wonderful and generous beyond words, and I can't express how much what they are doing means to us, and how sad I am for them at the same time. I can't imagine.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-1775012252865874862011-12-13T18:22:00.000-08:002011-12-13T18:22:16.024-08:00Depression: or the State of my KitchenThis could also be titled the State of My Marriage. Jakobe and I are both depressed, and if you know anyone who likes to clean when they're depressed, the certainly don't live in our house. Jakobe and I may deal with depression in different ways, but neither one of us has learned to channel it into housework. He plays video games, avoids me, and sinks ever deeper into his world of Role Playing games.<br />
<br />
I - I get irritable, I want Jakobe to spend more time with me - distracting me from the fact that I feel like shit about the universe, and I read (mostly extremely crappy romance novels - a large number of which are available for free on the kindle at the moment.)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ficI_ocKK8U/TugHd3nPotI/AAAAAAAAAeA/i_8A3IN9k84/s1600/MP900433052.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ficI_ocKK8U/TugHd3nPotI/AAAAAAAAAeA/i_8A3IN9k84/s320/MP900433052.JPG" width="213" /></a>Neither of us cleans. this means that until today - our kitchen was approaching the definition of national disaster zone, and in fact, while trying to unload the dishwasher, I brushed a box of random crap, that was stacked on top of an empty box, that was in turn stacked on top of a chair. Yep - all over the floor. That that sent me into a cupboard door slamming, cleaning, swearing, completely unreasonable rage. Thankfully - I get home about an hour before he does, and although he may not realize it, the worst of the rage had passed well before he got home.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, I feel a little bit like our marriage is in the same state that the kitchen was in - sadly in need of basic maintenance and care. We've been trying, both of us, but it's like we just can't quite bridge the gap. We've had some really good moments, but they're much farther apart than is good for us, and the rest of the time is like right now - he's hiding in the bedroom, and I'm letting him. Also - going into a crazy rage is certainly not going to fix whatever apathy and depression has done to our relationship, it's just going to make it even worse.<br />
<br />
Plus - we have this conversation hanging over our heads. A conversation about IVF and our next attempt. I'm trying not to assume I know what Jakobe is going to have to say, but I have this feeling in my gut that it's going to be the same song and dance all over again. Mostly, that feeling cones from how he told me we needed to talk, but that he didn't want to do it right now. Since I'm coping with this failure better than he is (and I'm not doing that great) I don't think that he wants to try again any time soon. I don't want to wait too long. I'm also falling out of love with our RE - but since he's the only option within 300 miles, and we paid to try three times with him, we're just going to have to keep with the plan. Yay.<br />
<br />
I'm still putting off the conversation. I don't think we're ready yet. and I certainly can do without the crying that will almost certainly result. It never gets easier. It never gets better. It just keeps going on, hurting like hell and finding new ways to make us unhappy.<br />
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This is us - warts and all. And I may have cleaned the kitchen in a fit today - but there's still the whole rest of the house looming.<br />
<br />Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-47100456046590783712011-12-11T11:38:00.001-08:002011-12-11T12:40:15.056-08:00CarsI have the absolute worst luck with cars. I can buy a car and have it go screaming in the void of Murphy's law within hours. <br />
<br />
In 1998, my parents bought me a 1990 Ford Escort as a graduation present. 6 hours later, the timing belt broke on the freeway. I fixed it, and nursed it through a couple of years until I broke my ankle while I was living in Seattle and having to drive a manual in rush hour traffic was not working out for me.<br />
<br />
2001 - the Kia. Great little car. I once hit a pothole. That bent the suspension and frame. Oops. It got totalled while I was underwater, and I had to refinance my house in 2004 to pay it off.<br />
<br />
2004 - Borrowed a Jeep Cherokee. I drove it for a year. It's still in my front yard, as the owners moved to Germany (and then England) and the power of attorney ran out. The water pump died, and the shop said that if I fixed it, it would probably only run for another six months anyway.<br />
<br />
2005 - Bought a Chevy Corsica for $950. The radiator cracked on my drive home. There was a hole in the dash where the radio was supposed to be, and when winter hit, I discovered that the previous owner had bypassed the heater core instead of fixing it - so I had no heat. I fixed the heater, and the radiator (Both, by myself, in my driveway.) But, when the power steering fluid began to leak, I didn't bother to fix it. I discovered that it was drive-able without the fluid, and well, when it leaked, the smoke gave be blood pressure problems and probably wasn't good for me.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-80-jf2jZAjA/TVHTdB6Wq8I/AAAAAAAAASw/K1vfOPjAXLo/s1600/radiatorHose.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-80-jf2jZAjA/TVHTdB6Wq8I/AAAAAAAAASw/K1vfOPjAXLo/s320/radiatorHose.png" width="320" /></a>I bought my last car in May of 2008, it was a 2000 Subaru Outback Limited, and it was beautiful. Before the summer was over, I had not only jumped through a bunch of hoops to get it to pass emissions, but I had also replaced the head gasket. I reasoned that this was not totally unexpected for a car with 140 thousand miles on it, and that If I just did the repairs, then I would have a reliable car. I loved the car. I loved everything about it. Except for the fact that it had to go into the shop, over and over again, and every time It went in it cost me more than $2000 to have it fixed. Plus the whole not having a car for a week at a time while they fixed it. Or getting stranded on thanksgiving weekend in the middle of nowhere Washington with no heat in the car while it was 9 degrees outside (the second time the head gasket went).<br />
<br />
Yesterday we took the Subaru to the shop to get looked at. Diagnosis: The head gasket, again. The Catalytic Converter. The water pump and timing belt, again. The estimated bill: $2800, and only because the parts from the last head gasket were still under warranty.<br />
<br />
I couldn't do it anymore. I had no faith that at the end of the day we were't going to be sitting at the mechanic again, sometime next year, with a car that wasn't worth as much as the repairs it needed - after the repairs were done. So - we sold the Subaru to the mechanic.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, we bought a certified 2009 Prius. And then we decided that given my history, the extra money to extend the bumper-to-bumper warranty to 125,000 miles was definitely worth it.<br />
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So - Now we have a car payment. And given that I have to start paying my student loans in January as well, we're going to have some adjusting to do. But I just keep reminding myself that really the difference between car payments and repair bills is that car payments are predictable. We're probably spending close to the same amount of money either way.<br />
<br />Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-81537914451423951112011-12-10T07:43:00.001-08:002011-12-10T07:48:40.793-08:00Photos - F*cking Eclipse!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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*Type Here*Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-35099312449386705582011-12-07T20:19:00.001-08:002011-12-07T21:07:48.406-08:00Sweeping up - trying to move forward.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I think that it's safe to say that everyone in our little house is a bit broken right now. I've reached the point where I need to just pick up the pieces and try and figure out how to put things back together. In some ways it's easier this time, because I've been in this ugly dank slime filled hole, and I can see the hand and footholds I made to climb back out last time. I can do it, and I will do it.<br />
<br />
I tell myself it could have been worse, but in a way, the negative beta feels like a loss - a different loss than not being able to have a transfer. Embry was alive when they put her back into my uterus, and I failed her. I failed to keep her alive - to be the fertile soil that she needed to grow. The nine days of wishing, and hoping, and acting pregnant are a cruel joke in the face of a negative beta.<br />
<br />
But, we pick up, and we march on, and we look to the future. I can't hope yet. I don't feel it. What I feel right now is stubbornness and determination. Unfortunately mixed in with that is a fair bit of sadness and self loathing.<br />
<br />
Even given all of that, I may be doing better than Jakobe. He let himself hope a lot more than I did, and so fell farther. We're struggling, and it doesn't help that the ways that we cope and need support are diametrically opposed. He needs to pull away, to hide, and to nurse his wounds in solitude. I - I need to be held, and to be assured that I'm not alone. We're making it work, but it's hard.<br />
<br />
I want to be able to close this on a happy note, but I'm not sure where to find it. I"m making it work, but only by letting things slip through my fingers that should probably be important. At least I'm able to put a good face on it every day and get my shit done.<br />
<br />
We have our WTF appointment on January 9th.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-70836168792877333282011-11-25T09:29:00.001-08:002011-11-25T09:30:04.915-08:00BetaNegative.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-54114509357942677212011-11-25T07:37:00.001-08:002011-11-25T07:43:12.227-08:00Schrödinger's cat<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D6FA9juhsSw/Ts-3T8QSWmI/AAAAAAAAAcA/qn2LOXHOQSI/s1600/MP900431019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D6FA9juhsSw/Ts-3T8QSWmI/AAAAAAAAAcA/qn2LOXHOQSI/s200/MP900431019.JPG" width="200" /></a>We did it. We went in for our beta. This means that in a few short hours I won't be able to pretend that I'm pregnant anymore. I'm terrified. I cried on the way home. Jakobe is telling me only positive things. But, I'm trying to be prepared for the worst, to expect the worst. I'm afraid that I manufactured all of my symptoms like a crazy woman grasping at straws. <br />
<br />
The box is open, we just haven't looked yet.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7711942024473709321.post-78619024276356746652011-11-22T07:55:00.001-08:002011-11-22T08:35:53.078-08:006dp5dt - I can still find my marblesIf I look hard enough anyway. I'm trying to stay positive, but you know how it goes, sometimes you just have those moments of doubt. Those moments where you're sure that like everything else before now you're going to get dumped flat on my face. In any case, I've been keeping busy, and trying not to get too worked up. I've done a lot of reading, and playing of video games. Last night I took my best friend out to dinner and shopping for chocolate and kitchen implements (I'm now the proud owner of an 11" tart pan with a removable bottom.<br />
<br />
Symptoms (that may or may not be all in my head):<br />
<ul><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FL3itIjCQ04/TsvOlB6_3vI/AAAAAAAAAb4/9GcFrFSeHdY/s1600/MP900321202.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FL3itIjCQ04/TsvOlB6_3vI/AAAAAAAAAb4/9GcFrFSeHdY/s320/MP900321202.JPG" width="320" /></a>
<li>Cramping - Not in my head, I've been cramping since Thursday.</li>
<li>Sore boobs (over the weekend.) Then they got better :( </li>
<li>Jakobe said that my boobs were bigger, but I couldn't see/feel a difference.</li>
<li>Tired - But that was just yesterday and might be meaningless, I was falling asleep at dinner at about 7:30 last night.</li>
<li> Increased Heart rate: 90bpm while lying in bed, 103 BPM while sitting at my desk (and I know that's really high even for my sedentary fat ass.)</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />I feel like I'm just picking up on little things that don't have any meaning, and I'm worried becasue my breasts stopped being sore, Like maybe embry started and then couldn't keep going. <br />
<br />
I could POAS today, or tomorrow or even Thursday, but I don't want to know. Okay I do want to know, but If it's negative I would like to go on thinking I'm pregnant for as long as possible. I did have my progesterone test done yesterday, and it came back just fine at 21.7.<br />
<br />
In the meanwhile we have a plan for my not drinking on Thanksgiving. I'm buying myself some sparkling cider, and Jakobe is going to drink. I'm the Designated Driver this time. Honestly - I don't think it's going to work. But it's a plan anyway. I just don't think I want to be talking about it with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, Etc. <br />
<br />
I just have to make it until Friday.Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16104292826005473507noreply@blogger.com6