13 November 2010

Money Matters

I have a hard time believing how successful we've been in saving a lot of money in a relatively short period of time.  I instituted what I lovingly call the "Downright Evil" Budget, and sometimes we almost actually stick to it...  Jakobe has a way of encouraging me to spend money anyway - but we're still doing a lot better than we were before. 

As of right now, we have saved approximately $9,000 of the $12-14,000 in cash we'll need to be able to pay in February for the March IVF cycle.  The rest of it will be reimbursed buy 2 different Health savings accounts I have and what I hope will be a sizable tax return.  So we'll have a bunch of cash to pay - and a couple of nearly maxed out credit cards for a month or two while waiting for reimbursements.  I'm proud of us.

Also - in the next couple of weeks the refinance of our house should go through - meaning that we'll have no house payment in December (more savings) and lower house payments in the future.  Yay!

I'm starting to think that IVF in march isn't quite as much of a pipe dream as I thought.  We can do it.

11 November 2010

Something new

This is my first attempt at something like this, so let me know if you like it, and if you'd like to see more of them.

08 November 2010


A year ago today I wrote my first blog post here.  I thought that this space was going to be something I could use to share my recipes, and post photographs, and try and find my creative side again.

A year ago today, I was not so happily dealing with the fact that I still wasn't pregnant, and feeling like a failure because what I wanted was a baby, it just wasn't something I seemed to be able to do.

A year ago today, I didn't really have any idea of what the next year had in store for me.

Today, this blog has become a touchstone for me, and is very different than what I pictured.  There have been recipes, and photographs, and occasionally some writing that I'm really proud of.  There have also been tears, and fear, and facing some of the biggest dragons of my life - and because of this blog, and the people who are out there reading it, I wasn't alone.

Today I look back at the me of a year ago, and I wish I could tell her:

You are strong enough for what life has handed you.  It's okay to be afraid and disappointed, because that's certainly going to happen.  and it's okay to feel let down, and to shake your fist at the gods and ask "Why me?"

As alone as you may feel, you're not, because Jakobe is there - trying to hold you up and you will return the favor, because you can always lean on the people in your life, and because the travelers on this road with you know how bumpy and rutted the path is - they've skinned their knees as they've fallen - but together dust yourselves off and take the next steps.

Today, I'm trying to find my way out of the depression that has stolen much of my energy over the last couple of months.  I can look back at my blogging and see where I started to spiral away from myself.  Coming back here to write is maybe one of the first signs that the medication is starting to work, and that I am returning to myself again.  I won't lie, this has been hard, and I'm not always good at it, but I am a better, richer, more loved, and more aware person than I was, a year ago today.
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