Schrödinger's cat

We did it.  We went in for our beta.  This means that in a few short hours I won't be able to pretend that I'm pregnant anymore.  I'm terrified.  I cried on the way home.  Jakobe is telling me only positive things.  But, I'm trying to be prepared for the worst, to expect the worst.  I'm afraid that I manufactured all of my symptoms like a crazy woman grasping at straws.

The box is open, we just haven't looked yet.

6dp5dt - I can still find my marbles

If I look hard enough anyway.  I'm trying to stay positive, but you know how it goes, sometimes you just have those moments of doubt.  Those moments where you're sure that like everything else before now you're going to get dumped flat on my face.  In any case, I've been keeping busy, and trying not to get too worked up.  I've done a lot of reading, and playing of video games.  Last night I took my best friend out to dinner and shopping for chocolate and kitchen implements (I'm now the proud owner of an 11" tart pan with a removable bottom.

Symptoms (that may or may not be all in my head):

• Cramping - Not in my head, I've been cramping since Thursday.
• Sore boobs (over the weekend.)  Then they got better :(
• Jakobe said that my boobs were bigger, but I couldn't see/feel a difference.
• Tired - But that was just yesterday and might be meaningless, I was falling asleep at dinner at about 7:30 last night.
•  Increased Heart rate: 90bpm while lying in bed, 103 BPM while sitting at my desk (and I know that's really high even for my sedentary fat ass.)

I feel like I'm just picking up on little things that don't have any meaning, and I'm worried becasue my breasts stopped being sore, Like maybe embry started and then couldn't keep going. 

I could POAS today, or tomorrow or even Thursday, but I don't want to know.  Okay I do want to know, but If it's negative I would like to go on thinking I'm pregnant for as long as possible.  I did have my progesterone test done yesterday, and it came back just fine at 21.7.

In the meanwhile we have a plan for my not drinking on Thanksgiving.  I'm buying myself some sparkling cider, and Jakobe is going to drink.  I'm the Designated Driver this time.  Honestly - I don't think it's going to work.  But it's a plan anyway.  I just don't think I want to be talking about it with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, Etc.  

I just have to make it until Friday.

And Murphy strikes again.

We have nothing to freeze, according to our nurse, all 5 arrested overnight.

I'm trying not to get too upset or emotional, wouldn't want to fuck up the broken basket that's carrying our only egg.

Support group meeting should start anytime.  Probably a good thing.  I'm going to eat blueberry cream cheese tart and try not to cry.

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PUPO

Here's Embry.  We were told that it was an excellent looking embryo, so we have that going for us.  I have spent all day on the couch, but I guess that's okay.  I should remember my vitimins before I pass out. 

The details on the others are, as of this morning:

2 early blasts

2 morulas

1 delayed

I'm hoping there's at least one to freeze in the morning.  I'd prefer two.

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