Something Different

I made it through the rest of the day Friday.  I did spend some time in bed, curled up with Jakobe, and crying while he held me.  It helped.  I'm working on being okay with crying in front of him, not because I feel like I shouldn't be having these feelings, more out of concern that I'll make him feel worse.  He's already decided that he's 100% responsible, and that it's all his fault - I can't convince him otherwise, and I wish that I could.  Or at least I could convince him that blame doesn't really matter, we're in the same situation no matter who's at fault. BUT - He says that my sucking it up makes him feel worse than the crying, so I'm giving it a try.

Friday evening I got to indulge in one of my favorite hobbies - experimenting with food. The Menu was:

• Lamb Meatballs with Cilantro Raita
• Pear Compote with cheeses (Swiss, Gouda, and Mascarpone) on
• Homemade Rye Crackers

This was the first time I had made crackers, and I discovered that they're pretty easy to make. (I'm going to try and take a picture tonight of the little bit that's left. If I do, I'll add it to this post.)  They do take some time, and I was glad that I made and divided the dough on Thursday night - it meant I actually had time for my mini-breakdown.  I'm including the recipe for the crackers at the end of this post - all the guys said that they were awesome.

I was going to write a step by step walk-through of my weekend, but I started to bore myself - so you definitely don't want to hear about it.  I was in a fog, and even took a nap in the car because I didn't want to sit home alone and stew, but didn't want to do anything either.  I'm hoping that this daze is short-lived, but it's still hanging around.  I don't feel like eating - which might be good, I started Weight Watchers again last week, and I've lost 2.5 pounds, so maybe a little lack of appetite is a good thing.

I made an appointment with the only RE within about 300 miles this morning.  Bad news #1: the initial consult is in my name - so we have to pay cash.  Bad News #2: the earliest available appointment is June 21st, so we're back to waiting again.  Good News #1:  when they re-do Jakobe's SA, they'll submit it to his insurance, and it should be covered.  Anyway, making that phone call seems to have used up my whole day's allotment of motivation, and forward motion, I'd like to go back to bed now.

We've got company again tonight, so I'm on the hook for more cooking, as well as smiling and having a good time.  Can I have a clone?  Maybe someone could make a Stepford me that I can take out of the closet and turn on when I'm not in the mood? No, we'll then I guess I'll fake it 'til I make it.

Olive Oil Rye Crackers

2 c all purpose flour

1 c dark rye flour

1 t  salt (I used fine sea salt)

1 c warm water

1/3 c extra virgin olive oil

Mix together all of the dry ingredients, and then using a mixer with a dough hook on medium or medium low speed, add the water and olive oil.  Let it knead for 5-10 minutes.  Mine was a little extra moist, so I added a little bit of flour half way through the kneading process (2-3 T).  Once you have a nice dough, split it up into 12 equal balls, and then let them sit for a while (at least 30 minutes)  This is the point where I put them into the fridge to wait until Friday, so if you refrigerate the dough for later, let it sit out for 30 minutes to an hour to return to room temp. 

15 minutes before you're ready to bake your crackers, put a pizza stone in your oven and preheat it to 450.

Take one of the dough balls and roll it out to your desired thickness - I made mine pretty thin, poke all over with a fork, and then transfer to the hot pizza stone.  Keep an eye on it, but let it bake until golden - about 5-10 minutes - while you roll out the next one.  Remove the finished cracker from the oven, and let it cool on a wire rack.  Repeat for all of the crackers.  When they're done, you can break them up into pieces for serving.

Variations:  you can top these cracker with whatever you want, and you can also cut them into shapes before baking (I think you'd have to make them quite a bit thicker than I did to do the shapes...)  If you don't have a pizza stone, you can use a cookie sheet - they'll take a bit longer to bake.  And if you don't have a mixer with a dough hook - I'm sorry, you get to knead by hand - therapeutic, but it gives you very tired arms.