Ticking Time Bomb

That’s how I feel about this evening.  My in-laws are going to be here in only a few hours. 

Tonight, we’re going to tell them.

*FULL STOP*

Part of me is absolutely terrified.  I’m so afraid of their reaction.  The discussion is going to be hard for me, but that’s it: an un-fun, difficult discussion where we disappoint some of the people most important to us.  I know that Jeri wants us to have kids.  She’s been doing the not-so-subtle hint thing since we got engaged.  She’s also the kind of person who can’t help but offer completely uninformed advice she pulls out of her (whoops, what did I almost say there?).

I’m afraid of what her reaction is going to do to Jakobe.  This whole thing has been so hard on him already, and he takes every set-back and delay personally (more on that in a bit).  I want them to be laid back and understanding.  I want them to just say that they understand, and tell us how sorry they are that this isn’t going to be easy for us.  I’m pretty sure that what I want and what I get are going to be two different things.  More than anything, I don’t want this to end up with Jakobe hurting any more than he is already.

The only disagreement that Jakobe and I had about telling his parents was about the infamous card.  His mom has been known to give friends/family members, a card for St. Gerard (the patron saint of mothers?) with the instructions to put it under your pillow, or tack it up over your bed.  It’s supposed to help.  Jakobe says that everyone his mom has given it to has been successful in having a baby.  And he was adamant that we not let her give us one.  (seemed a little backward to me, but he had an explanation: If she gives us the card, and we get pregnant, then she’ll think that it’s all her doing.  She’s apparently still reminding friends about her card thing 17 years later…  Who knows.  I don’t  really care. )  Anyway – My thought was, it can’t hurt, it’s not really going to make a difference, and if it makes his mom feel like she’s helping  -  then we should go for it.  The alternative is probably her giving all sorts of unwanted, unneeded and not terribly useful advice.  I’m already expecting a deluge of every news article she happens to read about infertility – even if we ask her not to. 

I’m not really one for magical thinking - the farthest I get with that is the whole Carseat thing I wrote about last week.  And I know I’m being ridiculous.  Right now – I just want this weekend to go okay.

In Other News:

Jakobe’s work has cancelled his day off on June 21^st.  He actually tried to do the responsible thing and let them know that he had a doctor’s appointment 2 months in advance.  So we’re SCREWED because he tried to take the day off to account for the fact that we’re not sure of the timing, and it’s going to be more than the 2 hours that they will give him for doctor’s appointments.  Because he asked for leave that day, he can’t call in sick that day so that he can go.  If he calls in sick – He’ll be fired.  It’s FUCKING ridiculous.

So today – I called the doctor’s office and asked to be put on the waiting list – that way he’ll just call in sick whenever we can actually get in to see the doctor.  The Workforce management person says that she’s still trying to get the time for him  on the 21st – she might be able to pull off half a day – but we won’t know for weeks. 

Luckily – the RE allowed me to make a backup appointment on August 4^th, and they’ll allow me to hold them both through the end of May.  The waiting list for cancellations had 15 people ahead of us – so it sounds like a lot of fun, and it sounds like we’ll be waiting a while.

As I was posting - the RE called back - the got us in on Friday June 4th at 9 a.m.