14 May 2010

Ticking Time Bomb

That’s how I feel about this evening.  My in-laws are going to be here in only a few hours. 

Tonight, we’re going to tell them.


Part of me is absolutely terrified.  I’m so afraid of their reaction.  The discussion is going to be hard for me, but that’s it: an un-fun, difficult discussion where we disappoint some of the people most important to us.  I know that Jeri wants us to have kids.  She’s been doing the not-so-subtle hint thing since we got engaged.  She’s also the kind of person who can’t help but offer completely uninformed advice she pulls out of her (whoops, what did I almost say there?).

I’m afraid of what her reaction is going to do to Jakobe.  This whole thing has been so hard on him already, and he takes every set-back and delay personally (more on that in a bit).  I want them to be laid back and understanding.  I want them to just say that they understand, and tell us how sorry they are that this isn’t going to be easy for us.  I’m pretty sure that what I want and what I get are going to be two different things.  More than anything, I don’t want this to end up with Jakobe hurting any more than he is already.

The only disagreement that Jakobe and I had about telling his parents was about the infamous card.  His mom has been known to give friends/family members, a card for St. Gerard (the patron saint of mothers?) with the instructions to put it under your pillow, or tack it up over your bed.  It’s supposed to help.  Jakobe says that everyone his mom has given it to has been successful in having a baby.  And he was adamant that we not let her give us one.  (seemed a little backward to me, but he had an explanation: If she gives us the card, and we get pregnant, then she’ll think that it’s all her doing.  She’s apparently still reminding friends about her card thing 17 years later…  Who knows.  I don’t  really care. )  Anyway – My thought was, it can’t hurt, it’s not really going to make a difference, and if it makes his mom feel like she’s helping  -  then we should go for it.  The alternative is probably her giving all sorts of unwanted, unneeded and not terribly useful advice.  I’m already expecting a deluge of every news article she happens to read about infertility – even if we ask her not to. 

I’m not really one for magical thinking - the farthest I get with that is the whole Carseat thing I wrote about last week.  And I know I’m being ridiculous.  Right now – I just want this weekend to go okay.

In Other News:

Jakobe’s work has cancelled his day off on June 21st.  He actually tried to do the responsible thing and let them know that he had a doctor’s appointment 2 months in advance.  So we’re SCREWED because he tried to take the day off to account for the fact that we’re not sure of the timing, and it’s going to be more than the 2 hours that they will give him for doctor’s appointments.  Because he asked for leave that day, he can’t call in sick that day so that he can go.  If he calls in sick – He’ll be fired.  It’s FUCKING ridiculous.
So today – I called the doctor’s office and asked to be put on the waiting list – that way he’ll just call in sick whenever we can actually get in to see the doctor.  The Workforce management person says that she’s still trying to get the time for him  on the 21st – she might be able to pull off half a day – but we won’t know for weeks

Luckily – the RE allowed me to make a backup appointment on August 4th, and they’ll allow me to hold them both through the end of May.  The waiting list for cancellations had 15 people ahead of us – so it sounds like a lot of fun, and it sounds like we’ll be waiting a while.

As I was posting - the RE called back - the got us in on Friday June 4th at 9 a.m.  


  1. I am totally wondering how it went!!! I hope it went alright and MIL is supportive as opposed to "helpful".

    Time off of work for things like this is so darn tricky, but it seems you are actually getting in there earlier than planned, which is kinda cool, so congrats on that, and good luck. That first appointment will leave your head spinning, so take the weekend after to let it all settle in your mind and take stock.

  2. GL with getting the time off work.

    And I hope things go well with telling the ILs! I will definitely be checking back to see how it went.

  3. Ooh, GL with the in-laws, depending upon your relationship, I am all for telling the fam. We didn't talk about it fir a while with hubs family b/c the didn't ask despite a dozen hints and it became awkward (to say the least) b/c SIL was knocked up @ Xmas. Needless to say it sucked, hard! Afterwards, they asked and we told them everything starting with telling them how much we wanted their support & love & asking them not to say anything along the lines of, you could always adopt. Forward five months & they sent me post-surgery flowers & let us know "our time will come". Are there ever unwanted comments/ advice, etc. Sure, but it is well meaning and ultimately they want what you want, right?

    I would feel weird about the St. Card too, but it can't hurt and I welcome any positive energy, thoughts, prayers I can get. Can't wait to hear how it went!

  4. Ok, about my last comment, I tried to edit and couldn't, gasp!
    It is loaded with mispellings & is missing words but:
    1. I am on post surgery drugs & therefore messed up
    2. I am on an iPhone that self edits sometimes poorly
    3. My comment was too long to erase & rewrite
    4. English really is my first language!

  5. HI Jenni - Thanks for your comment about my pet elephant. This IF really sucks, doesn't it? I am really sorry to hear about your SA results. That really sucks too. I can tell you that getting our Azoos diagnosis was the worst, and those first few weeks were so hard. But it has gotten easier.

    I wanted to encourage you to get yourselves to a UR who specializes in Male Reproductive issues. If possible, I'd recommend that you take a vacation to San Francisco to see Dr Paul Turek. Or at least get a free phone consult with him. We travel to see him, and he is the first Dr we've seen who didn't send me away in tears. I think that he does a free phone consult. Hang in there!

  6. Hi Jenni, Its me again. My MIL is about as cooky religious as your is. I'm sure that she thinks the Azoos is all her fault. and that her praying will fix it. Whatever makes her feel better. It is hard on my lover too.


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