Yesterday, Jakobe told me that there’s “No crying in Baseball.” Mostly he meant that He just doesn’t know what to do to make things better for me. I told him I wasn’t crying, and I wasn’t. I *am* starting to feel better. Not great, but better. A week ago he was really worried about me, but now – not so much. I think it takes time (at least a little) to let each setback sink in a little bit. I’m not over it – but today is a good day so far.
I even made it through Mother’s Day without too much trouble – despite Jakobe’s attempt to make me feel better by telling me “Happy Daughter’s Day” first thing yesterday morning. I appreciate the effort, but, well…
Jakobe, on the other hand, isn’t really dealing so well. We talked about it for a bit yesterday, and mostly he keeps just shoving his feelings away so that he can be productive/functional. He says that if he lets go he’s either very angry, or he wants to spend two days in bed. Hopefully, it helped that he spent yesterday afternoon in bed and napping. OTOH, that could be reaction from participating extra-curricular activities that would be limited if we were parents.
We had a long conversation on Friday night (the second-to-last of our 10 great dates) Jakobe says he’s not sure if he has the emotional fortitude for infertility treatments. He wants to try – but he feels like he’s going to reach the “enough” point long before I do. He currently thinks he’d be up for 3 total tries (IUI, IVF, FET, anything we tried.) Maybe he’s wrong, and maybe it will just take until he’s out of the current black hole that’s plaguing both of us. It doesn’t really seem like a reasonable cutoff to me, so I guess that we’re on different pages already. We’ll have to burn cross that bridge when we come to it.
Now – I’m just finishing up my lunch break, so I think I’ll sit here and eat a slice of someone else’s left-over mother’s day cake (no irony at all there…) and see where the rest of the day takes me.P.S. That cake did look like it tasted - too much food coloring and some really, really funky strawberry frosting.
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Ah pet, when I started my first ICSI cycle, I collected the meds from the chemist and started crying that I couldn't do it at all. The you start doing it and it's not so bad. You also my only need one treatment, it wouldn't be the first time that happens! If my first pregnancy hadn't been ectopic I also struck luck at the first go (now...I can see it wasn't that lucky after all...). Be positive, give yourselves time to go through the process. Much love and support to both of you, Fran
ReplyDeleteI am going through a bit of that with my hubby right now, too. It's very difficult. In between trying and the next step is a really rough place to be. Perhaps once you start treatments he will be better....I am thinking of you. (((HUGS))).
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure how I would react myself to all the fertility treatments. I know I don't like what it does to my wife (both the mental changes from the drugs and the heartbreak after). But IUI is pretty low key I find, and the overall expense isn't too high so we could do IUI for a year if time wasn't pressing (which it is unfortunatly). I think I would have a much harder time with IVF and couldn't do it more than once or twice.
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