26 June 2010

Nightmares

{Warning - parts of this post are strange and disturbing, I'm not sure how I feel about sharing, so feel free to pass it up and read another post.}

I've been having strange odd dreams and nightmares for several days now.  Dreams that don't make any sense, or dreams where I behaving in ways that are completely counter to how I usually behave.They're falling into several categories:
  • Strange interpersonal relationships and activities.
  • Cheating Dreams
  • Straight-up nightmares
Category 1 includes things like trick-or-treating, but being invited in to hang out with the guy whose door I knocked on and give him advice on mead-making or picking up a friend on a street corner, and he being glad I did so because she had called an ambulance for a ride and she felt bad.  Just nonsense stuff - usually in between the other dreams, but there all the same

Category 2 is really bothering me.  I don't know why I'm having the dreams, and I don't like the way that they make me feel both in the morning and during the dream.  I've made a bit of a joke out of them because I don't know what to do with them.  In my dreams I'm cheating on Jakobe, or have cheated on him.  I could almost understand if I was having dreams that resulted in me getting knocked up, but right now, in my dreams, when I cheat - it's with women.  While I'm dreaming I feel guilty, and I feel like I have to confess and tell Jakobe hat happened.  In my dreams I wonder if he can forgive me because more than anything I don't want to lose him. But in my dreams, I'm cheating anyway.  Then I feel guilty when I wake up.  I wonder why I'm dreaming this stuff.  I wonder what it says about me that I'm unfaithful in my dreams.

Finally there's Category 3 - the nightmares.  I cant say that they're all that scary, but they're horrifying.  Most recently: I was at a friends house, and his cat was following me around, meowing piteously and when I turned around and looked at the cat, it was trying to walk, and to follow me, but it was also carrying one of it's paws with it, and walking on the sharp ends of it's bones.  I started screaming for my friend, trying to do something about the cat, knowing that we needed to put it out of it's misery, but unable to act, only to scream for help, and no one could hear me, no one was coming.  And then the alarm went off and I had to get up.

Needless to say, my sleep hasn't been all that restful as of late.  I'm having all of these types of dreams, together, almost every night.  The ones I shared all happened on the same night.  Maybe I need to find some way to really knock myself out so that I don't dream, because I don't know what's coming next.

3 comments:

  1. I had a period of time where I was having all sorts of similar dreams. It's nuts. I'd feel so guilty in the morning. Hopefully your brain will settle down and you can return to happy peaceful dreams!

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  2. I suffer from insomnia - usually due to excessively vivid dreams or nightmares. It's really hard to get through, but it really does make you appreciate the nights where you sleep like a "normal" person. If I stay asleep for 3 straight hours I get so excited! With any luck your subconscious will give you a break soon...

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