I wasn't sure if I was going to do IComLeavWe this month. I'm not sure of too much around here. The last two weeks have been on the difficult side. Jakobe and I really aren't talking much about infertility. I can't say that we're spending much time talking about anything of importance, except for when we're with the counselor. So - I haven't necessarily had much to share. For ICLW visitors - Welcome... Please check out the page I have just for you.
Last night was rough. And I'm a bit stuck. Jakobe doesn't want me to censor myself here, but at the same time, since I know he'll be reading, I've been holding back on a couple of posts. Even posting feels like pushing the issue right now. I think that they'll be forthcoming anyway. As I was preparing this post last night, he came and read it over my shoulder.. He said we could talk, and we did, a little bit, but I'm still lost. I guess I'll leave you all with a question, and hope that you can help me answer it.
How can I help him deal with what MFI means for him?
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Jenni maybe he could start reading some male written blogs dealing with infertility. One great one is "in the name of the father". It is better if he faces the problem rather than sulking about it and not dealing with it. It won't go away. And there are solutions, so in my opinion he has to grow up a little and see what can be done. Much love, Fran
ReplyDeleteHi Jenni. I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that you and Jakobe are not in a good place right now. I don't know if there is a lot you can do, except be supportive. He has to come to terms with things on his own terms and unfortunately that may take some time. So I wouldn't force the issue, just let him know that you still love him and are there for him whenever he needs it.
ReplyDeleteMy DH later said that in the days after being told he had MFI, he had a lot dark thoughts such as he was not being a good husband, thinking I should leave him to find someone who can give me children and all sorts of bad things. We went through the same rough patch you are going through, but with time and a lot of communication, came acceptance.
I wish you all the best and I hope all of this rambling makes sense!
MFI is hard. In the beginning my husband made many comments, like he was defective, asking if I would have even married him, and asking if I was going to leave him.
ReplyDeleteHe wants a child but I can tell the IVF process (he agreed to 1 cycle) has kind of ticked him off. It's the situation in general ya know, he feels it's his fault.
I just have to love him. I don't really know what else to do. You know how guys are are a little closed off on the topic of "feelings."
I just hope in the end we'll both be at peace with whatever the outcome. If IVF doesn't work, he would be ok being childless where as I would lean more towards trying for adoption or donor sperm.
http://www.teseivf.blogspot.com/
It is so hard. I wish I had something to offer you, but I don't. All I can tell you is that you are SO not alone.
ReplyDeleteMy lover is the only one irl who has the url to my blog. I don't know if he is reading it or not, but he does see me online, and I usually feel embarrassed and close the screen.
this really is so hard. hang in there, my friend.