09 July 2010

The power of Words

As I finished yesterday's post, I started working on this one.  Realizing that I've gone back to an IF statement instead of a WHEN statement is a bit like admitting defeat.

I don't feel like I can be sure that we're going to try and make it happen.  In the meanwhile, while Jakobe is trying to figure out how he feels, I'm trying to figure out how to be happy - no matter what it comes down to.  It's tough.  I get stopped in my tracks at least a couple of times every day.  Sometimes it's little things - like the kids down the street riding their bikes.  Usually it's the everyday things that get me.

Our counselor thinks that Jakobe is mildly depressed - and probably has been for a long time.  She also thinks that he won't be able to make a decision, or be able to ferret out how he really feels without removing the depression from the equation.  She recommended an SSRI to help get him back onto an even keel, but cautioned that it takes a month to 6 weeks for it to really start working.  When he called his doctor - they wanted to see him in the office first, before prescribing it (and that I understand completely), but he doesn't seem to have much urgency himself.  What urgency he's expressing is because I haven't been as good at hiding my impatience as I should have been.

I hate being in limbo, and the more time I spend here, the less hopeful I feel.  I keep trying to take the pressure off, because I don't feel like Jakobe needs me breathing down his neck, he's got enough to deal with.  I wonder how other people have dealt with/are dealing with all of this, and feel like they must have figured it out better than we have.


  1. I was on meds for just long enough to get me stable and then had to stop for treatment....the withdrawal was terrible...not the best plan. However, I knew I had to do something because I ceased being able to work. Today I start my cycle. We are both excited and terrified, as this is our one and only shot. If it fails....well, I don't know. We'll deal with it when it hits, I suppose. I hope you guys find a way. Admitting that you need help is the hardest thing in the world...I knew it and it took me weeks to go to the doctor. It's hard to get out of the dump to take care of business. I wish you the best. HUGS.

  2. I'm sorry you're stuck in limbo land. I've been there, and it stinks. I hope that Jakobe can get in to see his Dr. soon and can start an SSRI so that it helps him sort out his feelings.

  3. Hey Jenni - would you be up for a phone chat? ML started taking ssri's about a month ago (after waiting over a month to get in to see the dr.) There is so much to say. Email me and we can exchange numbers, if you are comfortable. I wish I had a magic wand!


Have an observation, comment, or advice? Please share, I need all the help I can get.

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