Numbness

I think that's where I'm at now.  I thougt this morning that maybe I felt better, but I really just feel numb.  Jakobe is not feeling better, and now to top it off, he's worried about me.  I guess that's par for the course, since I'm worried about him. I wonder what the normal course if for this stuff...  We don't have any final answers, and it will be a while before we can get any, but I did a bunch of looking, and it looks like we're down to 4 basic options:

1) IVF with ICSI - Expensive, like $12-15,000 a try, which is a lot of money for us...but it's the option that gives us a child of our own.
2) IUI with Donor sperm.  Jakobe really can't stand this idea.
3) Adoption - I'm not sure how I feel about it, and I feel like I'm a bad person for feeling that way.  I think part of it is wanting to experience the whole process, and wanting to have a child that is part of us in some way.
4) Be DINC's forever.  I don't think either one of us likes this option, but Jakobe is more comfortable with it than I am.

I feel terrible, but I told him that I was afraid that if we waited until he felt ready to make the appointment with the urologist, it won't ever happen.  I asked him to see the dentist before we got married - and he still hasn't gone, so I know of which I speak.  That and he really likes to deal with stuff using "Retail Therapy" otherwise known as buying things that you want, even if you haven't budgeted the money for it.  It's supposed to make you feel better, and it just makes me nervous about money.  That's not to say that I don't buy myself things to feel better, just that I keep it within my budget when I do...

For the most part.  Our trip last weekend was more expensive than I hoped that it would be.  Oh, well.  it's done.