While I was puttering around the house this morning, I found myself wishing that the drug companies would make a new drug. They could call it Advitrace, or something like that. It would magically allow people to handle adversity with grace, instead of what we usually end up with: depression, anger, ill humor, irritability, lack of focus... Oh, and a headache. I could go on.
I think that I want to be able to find acceptance of what we currently believe our situation to be. I want to be able to just let go, and trust that it will all work out. I want to be able to stop thinking about it. I want to stop crying. I want to not be jealous of my friends with kids. I want to stop feeling the ugly green eyed monster when I see pregnant women. I know, I want a lot, and so far I'm not getting it.
Friday, when we went on date 5 of our 10 Great Dates program, we managed to skip the part we were supposed to be working on, but we were there long enough to see the video that went with the seminar. The guy in the video was extremely funny, but what he was talking about is that men have a "nothing box" where they can go and there's nothing there, no thoughts, no worries, just nothing, whereas women are always thinking about or planning for something. It might be a generalization, but I completely fit.
I want a nothing box.
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Not that it is the right thing for everyone, but I am a HUGE fan of pharmaceutical SSRI's. I honestly think that every dr should offer them to infertile couples. I started taking lexapro a few months ago, when I hit a wall and felt like I just couldn't handle it anymore. A few weeks later I feel like a new person. Well, the same person, but I don't have to cry everyday, and I can smile and laugh again. Most importantly, I feel like I have the strength to continue on this journey again. My dr never offered, I had to ask.
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