22 March 2010

Nope - No Kids Yet

Don’t you just love it when CD1 is the day when someone decides to ask if you think you might want to “do the family thing?”  It’s such a loaded question.  My vagueish answer of “When we can” was met by the advice to not wait until we can afford it, because that day never comes.  All I could really think at that moment, was that we have to wait until we can afford it, because it’s not the having of children we have to save up for, it the out of pocket expenses involved in along the way while we’re trying to start a family.

Urologists aren’t cheap.  Neither are Reproductive Endocrinologists, Semen Analyses, Hormone tests, Hysterosalpingograms, Vitamin supplements, and any number of other things that we’re probably going to have to pay for, or re-do at our own expense.  All of that is before we get to the costs of In Vitro, which is where we think we’re headed. 

We’re not rich.  We have extra money in the budget, but as soon as I finish school we’re looking at $600 a month or so to repay our combined student loans, and that’s a good chunk of our extra income.  So, we’d better figure out how to get all of this at least started before we go there.  Saving up for IVF and paying for the related and other expenses along the way is going to take us at least a year – Maybe 18 months.  It’s almost more than I can think about.

Especially on CD1, when I’m drugged out of my mind on narcotic painkillers and ibuprofen and it’s only working partway.  The day that I don’t even get to hope anymore: maybe I’ll get pregnant this month.  Did I mention that I hate my “girl parts” right about now?  They hurt, A LOT, and I just generally feel sick.  Tomorrow should be better, but I seem to have developed a new pattern: 

·         Two days before my period :
o   Moderate cramping, that makes me think - yuk, but I can make it through this,
o   Some spotting 
o   Take some Tylenol with Codeine, and a bunch of Advil.
·         The day before my period:
o   All symptoms are very muted – maybe it won’t be so bad.
o   More spotting
o   Take a bunch of Advil. 
·         The day my period starts: 
o   The Colombia River begins to flow.
o   Pain, Nausea, Fatigue, and more pain.
o   Take a bunch of Tylenol with Codeine and a bunch of Advil
o   Give up on the small guns and break out the Vicodin. Continue to take lots of Advil.
o   Go home and curl into a ball.
That’s  the day I get asked if I’m going to have kids, without fail, every month.  Let me tell you - If I didn’t want to have kids, and wasn’t trying my damndest – I might sign up for a hysterectomy, just so that I didn’t have to feel like this ever again.  It’s even enough to make me consider going on Lupron again – and that was probably the most miserable six months of my life.

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