16 October 2011

Testing the Waters

I'm back - at least a little bit back.  I don't know how to explain what happened, just that I needed a great big break.  No saving money, no blogging, and no reading blogs.  I just had to get away.  other than the occasional doctor's appointment, the only things infertility related that I have been doing is attending out local support group meetings.

I have a hard time admitting - even too myself, how hurt I was after our IVF attempt in April.  I just shut down.  I took a couple of months before I even really had a prayer of keeping up on housework.  I was broken.  I took on too much, and when it was finally all over, when I no longer had to hold myself together so that IU could just graduate, all the cracks started showing plain as day.  so - I've been mending them, one at a time,  and my heart has a crazed appearance like crackle finish paint, but it's mostly whole again.

This is a good thing, especially since we're on the roller coaster again.  I started the BCPs this week for our next try.  I start stims the first of November.

I am terrified.

Nothing that happened this summer has really done much to make me feel better about or failure.  The doctor has decided that I have diminished ovarian reserve to go along with Jakobe's bunk sperm, and my endometriosis.  I'm not sure I believe him because my labs don't seem to agree with him, but he could be right.  Maybe we just thought we had the shit end of the stick to begin with, but we're really starting to small what we got ourselves into now.  We'll see.  This time it's a micro-flare protocol, with Lupron and the highest dosage of stims we can, from the get go.  We'll see how it turns out.


  1. So sorry your first IVF wasn't a success...we live near you guys and weren't super impressed with the Spokane Clinic and Dr. R. and opted to go with Boise....it's a bit of a drive but I very much recommend Dr. S...we had a similar diagnosis w/o the endo. or DOR, but she is really great and is worth a consult if you're thinking of a change. Good luck in your journey to be parents!!

  2. I am SO glad you are back Jenni! I have missed you. I will be rooting you on this fall - I think higher stims will be the key. We did obscenely high stims and I'm glad we did. Please keep us updated and if you're stressed don't feel pressured to read or comment on anyone else's blog - just blog for you!

  3. Welcome back Jenni! I was actually thinking about you the other day and wondering how you are doing. I'm so glad you took the time you needed to heal, and I'm praying that this new protocol will do the trick for you. ((HUGS))

  4. I am glad you are back! You have been missed, but I know what it's like to need a break!

  5. I'm glad you're back to blogging, sorry about the IVF, know how you feel X2. I don't think there's any way to predict how you'll feel with the news. Hopefully your break gave you the strength to get into this next cyle. All my best to you!

  6. You don't know me (my husband is the "infertile" one and occasionally writes in an infertility blog, on which you've commented in the past), but I'm rooting for you and glad you felt well enough to get back to writing. We're still not in a place, financially or otherwise, where we can start IVF but reading the journey others are taking is extremely helpful.

  7. Welcome back and so sorry that the last few months have been so difficult... this certainly is a roller-coaster :( I've missed you too... and looks as though we'll be cycling together. Love always xoxo


Have an observation, comment, or advice? Please share, I need all the help I can get.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Total Pageviews