So, here we go again with IVF 2.0. Tomorrow is my the day that I begin Lupron, and Gonal-F the day after that. It's good to have changed things a little bit, but at the same time, the whole thing is just scary. Unfortunately it's not the "embarking on a new adventure" scary, but the "I didn't really like this ride the first time" scary. It's kind of like my sister, who is terrified of heights, who keeps riding the Panic Plunge, even though she knows that the second that she starts to go up, she's going to start crying, change her mind, and ask them to stop the ride and let her off. (they never do, they might do that for a little kid, but not an adult woman.) I know what I'm getting myself into, and I'm still getting on. Right now, I'm sitting at my computer, freshly showered (Ultrasound at o'dark-thirty anyone?) and trying to drink enough water so that I can actually not spend 20 minutes trying to get my blood drawn in the morning, while not drinking enough water to keep me awake all night getting up to pee. It's a fine line.
Jakobe and I have been doing a lot of talking this week, from what we thought we should do about the adoption situation, to what we're going to do with Embry (his name for our frostie) if stims are totally crappy this time around too. The current plan is that if we get to transfer day, and we have nothing to transfer, then we're going to go ahead and put Embry back and cross our fingers. We'd never really planned for a single embryo transfer, but at this point, if things go badly again, I think we'll take what we can get.
Important Dates in IVF 2.0:
October 31 - First Lupron Injection
November 1 - Start Gonal-F
November 6 - My 32nd Birthday
November 12 - Tentative retrieval day (and the 4th anniversary of our first kiss)
November 17 - Tentative Transfer Day
November 24 - Thanksgiving
November 26 - My best guess for Beta day...
Things I plan to do differently this time:
NaNoWriMo - only possible because it's November, but I thought it best to give myself something else to concentrate on, like - did I write my 1,667 words today? I may end up breaking a lit of the rules, but I need some therapy, and it's really cheap, right?
When we get to transfer, I plan to take two days off of work, and just rest. I'm self prescribing bed rest, because I want to be sure I did my damnedest . This is different, because we didn't even make it to transfer last time.
Not try and do too much. NaNoWriMo isn't physically demanding, and if it gets to be too much, then I can just stop. There is no one and nothing holding my feet to the fire.
Try and make sure that I'm supporting Jakobe, and also that I'm doing a better job of communicating what I need from him. I pretty much suck at asking for what I need. (Somehow I expect him to be psychic, and then I get mad at him when he doesn't just know. Totally unfair and bitchy of me - So I'm going to try and do better.)
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Great that you've started... know how you feel about feeling anxious to do it all over again after not liking it the first time. Wonderful that you have a schedule and taking time off... IVF makes it so hard to plan specific dates though - grrrrrr - I'm hoping to take time off too, but don't know which days to ask work :( Thinking of you for this cycle and nice to be sharing it with you. Email me on newyearmum@gmail.com if you would like access to my private blog... then I can send you an access link :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love that you keep track of the anniversary of your first kiss! Love it! I am actually commenting on this post from the comfort of my local airport, headed to my clinic for blood work and breakfast with "the wand". I totally agree with you, I wasn't sure I liked my first ride on IVF and this second go around hasn't been all that fun. Sending you virtual hugs!
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you. I was thinking about you before you started posting again and wondering what you were up to. I hope this cycle goes much better and gives you a beautiful baby.
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