31 January 2010

An Ache in my Breast

In this case, literally.  It's completely not fair, but they are a little bit sore and achey, and even woke me up for a second last night when I squished them.  I don't know if it's becasue the metformin is causing me to have more progesterone this time, of if it's becaue I'm actually pregnant.  I know that I've got my hopes up.  I've managed to stop getting my hopes up so much since November, because it sucked - and I don't want to feel that disappointment again.  Unfortunately, here I am, not having learned my lesson.  I'm going to be some form of crushed in the next week when maintenance starts and I know I'm not pregnant. 

Yeah - I sound like a pessimist, but I'm trying to protect myself.  It makes up for all the boob squishing (yep, they still hurt), and the little encouraging talking to my tummy that I've never done before(irrational, but true).  A clump of cells can't hear me wishing at it. 

One of the women from the online discussion board I participate in ovulated the same day as I did, and she got her BFP yesterday, at only 6DPO.  My reaction:  Pee in a cup this morning, and stare at my own BFN.  When Jakobe woke up and went to the bathroomm this morning, he called over to ask if I tested this morning, and when I said yes, his "and?" was almost more hopeful than I could stand, and the big dissapointed sigh when I said "No." made me feel like an ogre for testing when I know that 7DPO is basically waaaay to early.

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