But it doesn't seem real to me. It's strange, but that's how I feel right now. This weekend Jakobe told me that we should try IVF. It's what he wants too. Now - I'm having a hard time accepting it. Part of me feels like if I let myself believe that we're going to take this chance, something else will come and snatch it away from me.
It was a bit of a tumultuous weekend for us. We went camping with my mom and her boyfriend and a bunch of his family, who we didn't know. Friday night was rough, Jakobe hit traffic snarls and was very grumpy when we finally got up to the campsite. The first thing that happened when we saw each other was an argument. I'd like to say that us arguing is unusual, it used to be, but we seem to be arguing more and more recently. In any case, I ended up in tears. Tears that I then had to hide when we were called back to the campfire with the rest of the family. Not good timing. Also - not the only crying it did this weekend.
Saturday started bright and early (we borrowed this tiny tent because we really didn't want to set ours up in the pitch black (there was no moon Friday night) and our mattress didn't quite fit, and it was pretty comical overall. But after setting up our tent and sometime in the mid-afternoon we had a real heart-to-heart (yep - that's where more crying came in). I'm still not absolutely sure that he didn't just capitulate because it's what I want - but he says that Watching my BIL and our nephew together made him realize that he really does want kids.
So, treatments are definitely in the plan now. I don't think that we'll take any steps in that direction until after our vacation next week. We need the time to rest and recharge - and we have plenty of time. I don't think we can possibly have all the money we need to have saved until late next spring anyway. The other decision that we made was that we'll be going with the 3 tries plan, because it makes it possible for us to have more than one attempt.
Next things on our list treatment wise:
Repeat SA for Jakobe (maybe something changed? - a girl can hope)
Karyotyping for Jakobe
Find out timing needed for infectious disease tests
SAVE MORE MONEY
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It sounds like you had an incredibly emotional weekend and got out a lot of things you needed to...and made some hard decisions. But in the end...good things :)
ReplyDeleteI am so not a fan of vacations where I cry. It happens, and usually for good reason. It sounds like you two had some good talks, the emotionally charged kind that lead to the tears. These are huge decisions for you guys, and I am so happy for you, although after all you've been thru I can see how it might not feel real. The road ahead is long, but we are here to walk it with you. xoxo - Foxy
ReplyDeleteOh Jenni,
ReplyDeleteI just read both post, you and Jakobe's and I am thrilled for you! I know it is a major shift in gears, but wow.
Like Foxy said, we are here to cheer you on.
Now, start saving :)
I hope this newly chosen path goes smoothly and know that I will be rooting for you every step of the way.
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