Latest News

So, life is good over here at the Yak Hotel.  Jakobe and I went to our first local support group meeting.  It's kind-of cute - He get's very talkative when in new situations.  I think it's how he covers up nervousness.  Everyone there was very nice, and even though I think that they sometimes said some things that may have scared the crap out of Jakobe, overall it was a good experience.  I know I'll be going back. 

We're still waiting to come up with the money that we need but I think we'll be trying to get him in for a follow up SA here in the near future.  I've noticed some changes, so I'm thinking that maybe there's something different going on.  Here's to being hopeful (but not too hopeful - it sucks to have them dashed on the cold concrete of reality.)

On the money front - I got the ball rolling on refinancing our house today, we won't be taking any money out, but there's also no appraisal and no closing costs and we'll be going from a 30-year fixed to a 20-year fixed and we'll still have lower payments than before.  It makes me really excited, and it's one of the best financial opportunities that has come our way in a while.  There's a small part of me that wishes I could convince myself to go with another 30-year, and have dramatically lower payments (all the faster to save for IVF), but the truth is that I do have to think long term, and this is the best choice for us.
I thought I had all the details worked out in our IVF savings plan - but August ended up being a bit of a hiccup...  We needed to fix the air-conditioning (the heat was making Jakobe blood sugars go scary low - and we didn't know what was causing it) and we need to pick up an new prescription, so that was another $7-800 in unusual expenses, before you through a vacation into the pot.  We're not doing terrible, and we'll recoup most of it in the month that we don't have a house payment, but it's time to return to fiscal discipline.   That is going to be hard.  I've been paying attention to the Fearlessly Frugal Project over at Fearlessly Infertile  - and I'm thinking about trying something similar - but without taking away our allowances - I would have a revolt on my hands.  I can't cut everything out in september, because we have tickets to Cirque du Soleil, but I can try and really cut back.  It's just to easy to blow money a little bit here and a little bit there.

So - that's the news...

Wordless Wednesday: Vacation

It almost feels like bragging - but I'm going to do it anyway, so it's another vacation post...

Looking back at the condos at low tide.

The smallest crab ever!

Sunset from the beach.

The adorable Otter at the Vancouver Aquarium.

The food for Tea at the Empress Hotel in Victoria.

A mask at one of the Exhibits at the BC Royal Museum.

  

A picture that Jakobe took of me while we were riding the ferry.

Sunset in my rear view on our way home.

Almost Home

So, vacation is ending. It's never long enough. We've spent all day in the car, and I took awsome pictures on the North Cascades Highway, but you'll have to wait for me to share. In the meanwhile here's a picture I just took out of my car window of the moon in the clouds...

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Vacation

ready to leave, just about to get into the car. Life is awesome!

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And Then...

I discovered Jakobe's most recent blog post.

It just about made me cry...again.  But this time, in a good way.

I think it's good news

But it doesn't seem real to me.  It's strange, but that's how I feel right now.  This weekend Jakobe told me that we should try IVF.  It's what he wants too.  Now - I'm having a hard time accepting it.  Part of me feels like if I let myself believe that we're going to take this chance, something else will come and snatch it away from me.

It was a bit of a tumultuous weekend for us.  We went camping with my mom and her boyfriend and a bunch of his family, who we didn't know.  Friday night was rough, Jakobe hit traffic snarls and was very grumpy when we finally got up to the campsite.  The first thing that happened when we saw each other was an argument.  I'd like to say that us arguing is unusual, it used to be, but we seem to be arguing more and more recently.  In any case, I ended up in tears. Tears that I then had to hide when we were called back to the campfire with the rest of the family.  Not good timing.  Also - not the only crying it did this weekend.

Saturday started bright and early (we borrowed this tiny tent because we really didn't want to set ours up in the pitch black (there was no moon Friday night) and our mattress didn't quite fit, and it was pretty comical overall.  But after setting up our tent and sometime in the mid-afternoon we had a real heart-to-heart (yep - that's where more crying came in).  I'm still not absolutely sure that he didn't just capitulate because it's what I want - but he says that Watching my BIL and our nephew together made him realize that he really does want kids.

So, treatments are definitely in the plan now.  I don't think that we'll take any steps in that direction until after our vacation next week.   We need the time to rest and recharge - and we have plenty of time.  I don't think we can possibly have all the money we need to have saved until late next spring anyway.  The other decision that we made was that we'll be going with the 3 tries plan, because it makes it possible for us to have more than one attempt.

Next things on our list treatment wise:

Repeat SA for Jakobe (maybe something changed? - a girl can hope)
Karyotyping for Jakobe
Find out timing needed for infectious disease tests

SAVE MORE MONEY

Abdominal pain of unknown etiology

They didn't keep me in the hospital overnight, They let me go about halfway through, not because they figured out what was wrong, but because they weren't going to figure it out, and it wasn't life threatening.  (and really - that's the only reason that I went...it presented like it might have been appendicitis, and maybe someday, when this happens it will be my appendix, just not last night.)

Anyway - I was sent home with a bunch of pain pills and an anti-spasmodic (just in case it was a GI thing) and the advice to not try and take the lowest dose of pain medicine possible.  So who knows - I thought that maybe I had developed an ovarian cyst that popped - and maybe I did, but I didn't get a pelvic or an ultrasound, so no confirmation.

My biggest problem with hydrocodone is that I can't sleep while I'm taking it.  I can kind of doze, but no actual sleep, so today might be a long day.  I won't feel too bad though - because I plan to keep up on the painkillers, and maybe see tomorrow if I don't need them.

Things will be quiet around here for the next few days - We're going camping in the Colville National Forest northeast of Kettle Falls, WA to celebrate my mom's birthday this weekend.  Aught to be fun.

Photo Friday: Travel

Not heading out to take new pictures this week - although you may be inundated after Jakobe and I got on vacation to the coast for the week of the 14th (I can't wait - it's going to be awesome!).  Instead, you get some interesting pictures that I took on trips last summer - and one extra!

Tis is from our first camping trip together - we went out for a drive in Mountains one of the days, and I took this picture while driving on a very unused dirt road in the middle of nowhere, North Idaho.

Driving back from my Birthday Weekend in McCall, Idaho last year.  We're going back there for a weekend in October this year - using it as a base to go fishing for Chinook.

Finally - a picture of me from the last time I went to Mount St. Helens (September 2005).  It was a great way to end a pretty rough weekend, and even though our drive back from Portland took 16 hours instead of 8 it was well worth it.

An unexpected evening

I guess that this is what happens when I go unsupervised. I'd tell you exactly why I'm here, in this very comfy bed, in the sexiest gown style of all time, but we just don't know yet. It's *not* a kidney stone. appendicitis is still on the table though. other than the fact that until they gave me morphine I hurt like hell, I'd say it's probably nothing.

But even here I'm an infertile. They ask if you might be pregnant before they give you a catscan... but, not so much of a worry for me, right?

The crazy part is that I keep thinking that the ultimate irony would be if I had an ectopic pregnancy. Crazier than that, part of me thinks that that wouldn't be all bad. I'd still be devastated though.

I'll fill you all in later, when I know something.

*UPDATE* nothing, no explanation, probably the endo.

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Happy 200

Just a quick shoutout to the Friday Blog Roundup. I was featured once and was more honored than I can say. Happy 200th Post!!!

chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich courtesy of The Flying Goat. (I shared it with Jakobe)

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Movie Mistake

Yesterday Jakobe and I went to the movies.  It was my turn to pick (last Sunday we saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice - fun, light, predictable) and I chose The Kids are All Right.  It got great reviews, and I wanted to see it.  For the most part - If I can't get Jakobe to watch something - I never get too either.

Anyway, I knew going in that part of the story line involved the kids connecting some with the Sperm donor who was their biological father.  I knew that it was a story about family, and coming through a rough patch.  I made sure that I told Jakobe about the movie, so that he wasn't going into it blind, and if he didn't want to see it/didn't feel up to it then we could choose a different movie.  I knew that the movie wasn't about infertility - so I thought that the sperm donor thing would be okay. What I didn't know before watching it was that the sperm donor was the wedge forced into every crack of a marriage that I think anyone could recognize some part of theirs in.  What I didn't know was that the movie would exploit every bad feeling or fear that Jakobe ever had about the idea of donor sperm.  It was an absolutely excellent movie, one that I enjoyed - and exactly the wrong one for us.

I guess what I can say is that if anyone is on the fence about Donor insemination - this might not be for them...

For us - that part didn't matter, the only way that a sperm donor is an option for us is if Jakobe decides that he's okay with it, and broaches the subject with me.  He's been so clear that this is something he absolutely does not want, that I've promised never to ask him for it - and I mean it.