The pool is closed for Maintenance

That's Jakobe and my code for AF, usually shortened to "maintenance". I'm not sure how to express what I'm feeling today.  It is with great fanfare that I wish to announce - today is CD1  - and I'm not sad, upset, disappointed, or any of the normal emotional baggage that goes along with this day in my usual routine...

I suppose that there is a small part of me that refuses to accept the obvious, some part of me that continues to hope, month after month, that we were wrong.  That continues to hope that this month - we'll get our surprise pregnancy.  But this month - my little hopeful voice has been completely drowned out by my BIG HOPEFUL VOICE.  

My Uterus on BCPs

The big voice is telling me that my period is a good thing, that it means that I'm one step closer to our IVF cycle.  It tells me that I get to start taking the birth control pill (I think that might be defined as ironic, taking the pill so that I can get pregnant).  The big voice is so loud, that all the little voice got in edgewise was a little comment about how I wasn't pregnant again this month - and it got stomped down with the whole "of course not, we know that doesn't work - but it doesn't matter, we get to try something that might work - so shut the f*ck up!"

It's a joy to get my period without the sadness that has accompanied it for the last two years, to get it with only a feeling of anticipation (and endo pain, but hell - it could be worse, I've still got Vicodin rolling around here, and so it's bearable - except for the dry mouth... that sucks!).

I called and left a message for Debbie - our nurse coordinator.  She's not my favorite so far (it doesn't feel like we've been that high on her priority list, so I don't feel like phone calls have been returned that promptly) but hey, so far we've just been a couple that had some plans to participate at a later date...  now we've actually got something going on.  I hope to hear back from her tomorrow, and I'm wondering if we can get my insurance to pay for the BCPs...  that might be nice.  In any case, this should get the ball rolling.  I know that we need to attend one of the IVF classes (gods I hope that they're not during the day - how much time do I really have to take off of work??  Really?) get our calendar, find out what kind of protocol we'll be on, find out if they want a frozen sample from Jakobe as a backup, find out which drugs we need to order, and so on and so forth.  

BTW:  thank you all for your comments and advice about our medications, it's been very helpful, and I am very grateful.  You all rock, each and every one of you!