A year ago today, I was not so happily dealing with the fact that I still wasn't pregnant, and feeling like a failure because what I wanted was a baby, it just wasn't something I seemed to be able to do.
A year ago today, I didn't really have any idea of what the next year had in store for me.
Today, this blog has become a touchstone for me, and is very different than what I pictured. There have been recipes, and photographs, and occasionally some writing that I'm really proud of. There have also been tears, and fear, and facing some of the biggest dragons of my life - and because of this blog, and the people who are out there reading it, I wasn't alone.
Today I look back at the me of a year ago, and I wish I could tell her:
You are strong enough for what life has handed you. It's okay to be afraid and disappointed, because that's certainly going to happen. and it's okay to feel let down, and to shake your fist at the gods and ask "Why me?"
As alone as you may feel, you're not, because Jakobe is there - trying to hold you up and you will return the favor, because you can always lean on the people in your life, and because the travelers on this road with you know how bumpy and rutted the path is - they've skinned their knees as they've fallen - but together dust yourselves off and take the next steps.
Today, I'm trying to find my way out of the depression that has stolen much of my energy over the last couple of months. I can look back at my blogging and see where I started to spiral away from myself. Coming back here to write is maybe one of the first signs that the medication is starting to work, and that I am returning to myself again. I won't lie, this has been hard, and I'm not always good at it, but I am a better, richer, more loved, and more aware person than I was, a year ago today.
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Happy Blogoversary Jenni!
ReplyDeleteIt is pretty amazing looking back over previous posts and seeing the changes. I find it really reassuring.
If I could write a message to the Jenni who began blogging a year ago, I would tell her Thank You for sharing your story. Thank you so being so brave. This is about you, but it will also help me, and I will forever be grateful that you are here.
I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little better. It is so much work to climb out of that deep crevice that we can get stuck in. But we learn so much about ourselves in the process.
Keep taking good care of yourself!
- Foxy
Happy blogoversary, and I am glad you are doing so much better! The writing must also be doing its job. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Blogoversary! This is a beautiful post ... if I were to talk with the you from a year ago, I would reassure you that so many of us want to hear your story, and are glad that you're willing to share it. Thanks for being here.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Jenni! I'm glad that the medication seems to be working--I think you are right--this post is evidence of a change. You are definitely a stronger person than you were a year ago--I'm excited to see what the next year brings. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteHappy blogversary!!
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