07 September 2010

Random Tears

You just never know when they're going to happen.  And - it's been happening to me a lot as of late.  Work is stressful, and well - life hasn't really been going entirely according to plan.  Not that it ever does, but well, a girl can wish.  Today's random tears are brought to you by the movie Julie & Julia.  The movie touches upon infertility in the most glancing way, but it was all the more poignant for it.  There are only two scenes, but they say everything.

In the first:  Julia is walking  down the street in Paris, and passes a woman pushing a pram.  There is a moment when you can see the look of absolute longing on her face.  I would guess it only lasted maybe a second, but I knew that look.

In the second:  Julia  receives a letter from her sister, who is announcing her pregnancy.  She cries, while trying to stop herself, and telling her husband how happy she is for her sister.

I cried too.  In fact - I'm crying writing this.  I can't really explain it - they were just small moments, but for me - today, they were all the more powerful for it.  Now - I'm going to eat cheesecake pudding with fresh blackberries - maybe with Jakobe, if he wants to get out of bed, and then put myself to bed as well.

As an end note:  I'm sorry about the delay in posts - I'm having trouble finding my voice and my motivation.  We've been both moving forward and experiencing setbacks, and I don't have any idea what to say.


  1. Jenny, you don't have to force yourself posting. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and let time do his healing job. Much love, Fran

  2. Oh, man, I remember those scenes...and they made me weep. The first one is sooo subtle, and I just KNEW...

    Post when you are ready, no one is going to begrudge you a break.

  3. It's amazing how impactful those scenes become once you are in the land of IF. I think we would all react with sadness for what these women are going through, but once we're there ourselves it really just hits that much harder.

  4. Yeah, I felt the same way even though the scenes were so fleeting. I wonder if fertiles even recognized what was happening.

    Taking a step back can be healthy. We will be here when you are ready to come back.

  5. That short scene where she got the letter was so powerful-it really does hit hard once you're actually in her shoes.

  6. I have about one day a week that is hounded by random tears..which is much better than the every day record I had been setting originally. I think it's insane not to cry randomly sometimes. This is a horrible stressful situation we're in. Hang in there!


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