23 February 2012


My bubble of waiting
is thin-skinned
easily burst
The slightest breeze of envy
causes it to ripple
and shift around me

Without balance
it shudders
leaving me to wonder
if I can stay on solid ground
and fly away

Seeing the world through
its rainbow hues
seems less than real
and more
I step carefully
shifting only slightly

Waiting for the
to be crushed by reality
or to float away
carried in the wind
of a new dream

I wrote the poem yesterday, and on Saturday we have the home visit for our Home-study.  Or family and friends have been amazingly helpful and supportive, and we've gotten a lot done, but I still can't help but feel totally and completely nervous.  What if something goes wrong?

I'm also feeling a bit sad to go along with all of the excitement.  Sad about ht parts of this experience that I don't get to have.  I'm working my way through it, but I didn't exactly think that all of the feelings about my infertility were going to go away just because we're adopting.  I still have to deal with them.  It's easier, and harder.  Easier, because I don't fear that we'll never get to be parents.  Harder because I feel a little bit guilty for my sadness in a way that I didn't before.

I'm sorry that I've been pretty quiet over here.  I've been focused on doing things here instead of writing about doing things, and When I get involved with my life and have less angst, I seem to write less.  We'll see how things go from here on out.

I *did* make my very first quilt for her.  and I'll share a picture of it with you.


  1. I've been following you for sometime and so excited by the update!! It's a good thing you haven't needed to blog, means you are in a pretty good place. Love what you made, you can see the live in every stitch..xx

    Infertilitee.blogspot.com (private)

  2. Beautiful quilt! Good luck on your home study!

  3. Beautiful quilt!

    Best of luck on your home study. I'll be thinking of you. I hope that you post about your progress! :)


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