I have to say that my last post was the
first time I have received a negative comment on my blog, and it's
taken me some time to figure out how I wanted to respond. For those
of you who don't read the comments – here it is, so that you know
what I'm talking about:
That is
cruel! A baby deserves time to bond with its parents! Not to be
banished to institutional care at the ripe old age of 40 days!!
I sure hope the first parents know you're doing this!! I cannot imagine any first mom would let an amom planning to dump a teeny-tiny baby in daycare!!!
I sure hope the first parents know you're doing this!! I cannot imagine any first mom would let an amom planning to dump a teeny-tiny baby in daycare!!!
I have a lot of things that
I wish to say to this. Yes, I am going back to work after six weeks,
which I don't think that anyone believes to be ideal, but in my
household I am the primary breadwinner, and I don't have paid
maternity leave. When I go back to work, my husband is staying home
for two weeks, and then my mother-in-law will be here for the two
days that I have to work the week of the fourth of July. This wasn't
an easy decision for us, and there are many factors that come into
play, like the fact that because of Jakobe's diabetes and the cost of
health insurance, we can't afford for him to become a stay-at-home
dad. Me being a stay-at-home mom was never an option, no matter how
much I would like it to be. We are doing the best that we can.
As far as characterizing our
daycare as “institutional care” I find it to be a gross
mischaracterization of our plan, made by someone who has more
politics than knowledge of our situation. The first parents know
exactly what we are doing, as Niko will be attending the same in-home
care as her first siblings.
Be outraged if you want. I
am. I'm outraged that someone would come here, bringing the “mommy
wars” with them, to tell me what a terrible mother I am before I've
had even three weeks with my daughter. We all have to make choices
and compromises.
Be outraged, I am. I am
outraged that I live in one of the most advanced countries in the
world, but I have no paid maternity leave. I am using every drop of
my vacation and sick leave to stay at home as long as I can – and
that's not right. Every other first world country has paid parental
leave because they recognize the importance of family, and bonding,
and how that makes for a stronger society, and most likely a more
productive workforce whose mind is on their work while they are
there, and not at home (or wherever their child is being cared for)
with a child that the parents aren't ready to leave. So if I sound
defensive, it's because I am. I want to stay at home longer, I want
to be there with her, and I don't get to be. I can't imagine yet how
hard it is going to be to go back to work. But, I don't really have
a choice. Two rounds of IVF, and an adoption that fell in our lap
from the gods have drained our savings, the money I had planned to
use to cover the unpaid time off I wanted to take when I had a child.
The short term disability policy that I've been paying for for
years doesn't apply. Why? Because I'm not “recovering from
childbirth.” The best laid plans, right?
So I guess what I am saying
to StaN is: know what you're talking about before you make judgments.
And if all else fails follow the golden rule. Or – just keep your
damn mouth shut – you don't have the right to judge me.
To the rest of you: thanks
for putting up with my rant, and maybe someday we can make a change
to the family policies and politics of this country. Politicians
like to say that family is central to our lived. Maybe it's time for
them to put their votes where their mouth is.
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