The holidays can be difficult. They really haven't been bad for me in the past, but the extended family christmas to night was great, and it sucked. Why does everyone have to ask you when you're going to have kids.. or why you dont.
My cousin, who I haven't seen since Jakobe and I started dating was the one with the questions, plus, she's a holistic health professional, who felt like she could tell me that she could fix everything and make it all right infour months. Doesn't she know, hope kills. I can hardly deal with the amount of hope that IVF is giving us at the moment, and to go haring of on another goose chase is most likely not in our best interests. I'm just copming back to myself again, and it's hard.
Back to the problems with the party. There's a great big group of everyone else's kids running around underfoot, which is how it's shupposed to be. But - all my cousins are younger than I am because I'm basically the oldest of my generation. And my uncle was showing off his new baby over skype... I'm jealous, and I feel like crap about it. And my sister has this great opportunity to adopt a baby, and I'm so happy for her if it's what she wants, because I want her to be happy, but at the same time, I'm a little sad for me, and I feel like a bad person, like a bad sister.
Anyway, that's my holiday bitching. There's lots of other crap going on, and If things work out for the best, wde might become insta-parents of a teenager, but it's all craziness that I can get into later. Let me leave you all with these thoghts. Happy Holidays, merry Christams. Good Jul, and may some of our wishes find a way to become realities.
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