unexpected bumps in the road

This morning, after I dropped Jakobe off at work because his car was in the shop, I went on my merry way to work myself. Except, halfway there, my car overheated again and ran itself out of coolant.

There I was, mostly in the middle of nowhere, so I decided to drive just far enough to stop at a coffee shop. (I've already spent 5 hours once this year waiting for a tow in a car with no heat while the temperatue is in the teens or below.) I was a good thing, because it was 2 hours before my tow got there. A coworker came and picked me up, so that I could make it to the rest of my work day, and I waited to hear how expensive it was going to be to fix *this time*.

Apparently, not expensive. They didn't find anything mechanically wrong. So, just more of my bad car luck.

Tonight, I'm riding the bus home from work... a two hour trek filled with people who won't stop talking to me even though my body language clearly says "Leave me alone, I'm busy reading on my phone."

Admittedly, I used to ride the bus quited a bit, it used to be a cheap and fairly convenient way to get from place to place. Now, the routes have been cut so far back that only people who absolutely have to are riding the bus. And even for me it would only work to get me home, as it doesn't run early enough to get me to work on time.

I'm glad that my car will be available tomorrow, especially since I have to stop by Dr. R's office for CD3 bloodwork so that we can proceed with IVF in March/April. Tomorrow will be my first experience with the craziness that is morning clinic hours at the RE. Only 28 days until we give them all our money. Less than one month (or thereabouts) befored I start BCPs. It's sneaking up on me fast.

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Photo Friday - a little Belated: Fun With Flowers

I told this to publish Friday morning... but apparently, it didn't!

These are some old but good ones that I got to look at after I finally got my new workstation/desk all set up upstairs this week.  I'm actually using the computer a lot more with a place that's all my own and not down in the "man cave" where I felt like I was intruding. 

My Better Judgement

It's been one of those weeks.  And I have to admit that I did it to myself, because, you see, I was a week late.  I haven't been temping becasue we're not exactly trying while we wait to do IVF, just having sex whaen we feel like it, and I didn't need the added stress.  What I seem to forget is that even though I can guess when I ovulate pretty accurately (I weven told Jakobe that I didn't think that I'd be startign my period until the end of this week) that doesn't mean that some part of me isn't thinking:  I'm a week late.  What if I was wrong, and those weren't ovulation painns I was feeling.  What if I get to have one of those miracle pregnancies that happen  to peopel when they're "Not trying."  What if I take a pregnancy test.  I've got about a million of them, just sitting in the closet, collecting dust.  That wouldn't hurt, would it.  I mean I could be pregnant, right?  It's not completely impossible...

Except it is practically impossible, and it wasn't going to happen.  So, I thought about writing a blog post, asking if I should just take a pregnancy test, and get it out of my mind.  But then it felt like admitting that maybe, just maybe I could be pregnant, and if I said it aloud (or typed it) I'd be jinxing it, and then AF would come and I'd just have write again about how mistaken my hopes were.  Because, of course.  AF is on it's way.  I'm cramping, and spotting, and really starting to hurt. 

And I hurt emotionally too.  I feel like I am so far away from children actually being real.  I'm so scared of spending all of our money and ending up destitute (and childless to boot). 

So - I expect that I'll get up in the morning, and I'll take some pain medicine, and I'll head off to work, and I won't admit amy more than I've done right here, that yet again, I let myself hope, against my better judgement, and my better judgement knew what it was talking about.

Wordless Wednesday: New Camera Lens!

My Facebook FAIL.

I should really know better.  I brought this pain upon myself.  I posted this picture of Jakobe to Facebook with the caption "Guess who's having a food baby..."

And this is what I got myself.  Oops.