First - the sad news: it doesn't look like the adoption thing is going to work out for my sister. A friend of her husband's family had become unintentionally pregnant and was planning to give the baby up for adoption, and her aunt suggested my sister and her husband. Unfortunately, there's been no follow-up, so it's looking a lot less likely.
Second - a short version of why becoming insta-parents of a teenager would be the best way to solve a situation: My youngest sister is 17, and her living situation right now is not the best. Not terrible, but not good either. Since my parent's separation and divorce 3 years ago, she's been shuffling around to friends houses, and is now currently living with her boyfriend. I blame this mostly on my parents. My mom - who left in such a way that my sister hardly spoke to her for almost a year, and my dad - who fell into such a deep depression that he lost his house, struggled to find work, and ended up living in the basement of one of my other sisters for 2 years. In any case - she's not going to school regularly, and living with her boyfriend and his parents isn't the best solution. We would love for her to live with us, but she doesn't want to move and leave her friends. So - not happening, yet at least.
Finally - to come back to the title of this post. On New Year's Day, a young woman I'm very close to was violently raped. For a while we weren't sure if the authorities would be able to do anything, even though she knew her attacker, and went to the hospital almost right away. Turns out - he was arrested on Tuesday, and bail was set at $75,000 yesterday. It's nice to see that the justice system is working. Now I just have to trust that it keeps working.
13 January 2011
24 December 2010
Happy Holidays
So I know I've been pretty absent around here, and I would promise to change my ways, but I don't want to make a liar out of myself.
The holidays can be difficult. They really haven't been bad for me in the past, but the extended family christmas to night was great, and it sucked. Why does everyone have to ask you when you're going to have kids.. or why you dont.
My cousin, who I haven't seen since Jakobe and I started dating was the one with the questions, plus, she's a holistic health professional, who felt like she could tell me that she could fix everything and make it all right infour months. Doesn't she know, hope kills. I can hardly deal with the amount of hope that IVF is giving us at the moment, and to go haring of on another goose chase is most likely not in our best interests. I'm just copming back to myself again, and it's hard.
Back to the problems with the party. There's a great big group of everyone else's kids running around underfoot, which is how it's shupposed to be. But - all my cousins are younger than I am because I'm basically the oldest of my generation. And my uncle was showing off his new baby over skype... I'm jealous, and I feel like crap about it. And my sister has this great opportunity to adopt a baby, and I'm so happy for her if it's what she wants, because I want her to be happy, but at the same time, I'm a little sad for me, and I feel like a bad person, like a bad sister.
Anyway, that's my holiday bitching. There's lots of other crap going on, and If things work out for the best, wde might become insta-parents of a teenager, but it's all craziness that I can get into later. Let me leave you all with these thoghts. Happy Holidays, merry Christams. Good Jul, and may some of our wishes find a way to become realities.
The holidays can be difficult. They really haven't been bad for me in the past, but the extended family christmas to night was great, and it sucked. Why does everyone have to ask you when you're going to have kids.. or why you dont.
My cousin, who I haven't seen since Jakobe and I started dating was the one with the questions, plus, she's a holistic health professional, who felt like she could tell me that she could fix everything and make it all right infour months. Doesn't she know, hope kills. I can hardly deal with the amount of hope that IVF is giving us at the moment, and to go haring of on another goose chase is most likely not in our best interests. I'm just copming back to myself again, and it's hard.
Back to the problems with the party. There's a great big group of everyone else's kids running around underfoot, which is how it's shupposed to be. But - all my cousins are younger than I am because I'm basically the oldest of my generation. And my uncle was showing off his new baby over skype... I'm jealous, and I feel like crap about it. And my sister has this great opportunity to adopt a baby, and I'm so happy for her if it's what she wants, because I want her to be happy, but at the same time, I'm a little sad for me, and I feel like a bad person, like a bad sister.
Anyway, that's my holiday bitching. There's lots of other crap going on, and If things work out for the best, wde might become insta-parents of a teenager, but it's all craziness that I can get into later. Let me leave you all with these thoghts. Happy Holidays, merry Christams. Good Jul, and may some of our wishes find a way to become realities.
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13 November 2010
Money Matters
I have a hard time believing how successful we've been in saving a lot of money in a relatively short period of time. I instituted what I lovingly call the "Downright Evil" Budget, and sometimes we almost actually stick to it... Jakobe has a way of encouraging me to spend money anyway - but we're still doing a lot better than we were before.
As of right now, we have saved approximately $9,000 of the $12-14,000 in cash we'll need to be able to pay in February for the March IVF cycle. The rest of it will be reimbursed buy 2 different Health savings accounts I have and what I hope will be a sizable tax return. So we'll have a bunch of cash to pay - and a couple of nearly maxed out credit cards for a month or two while waiting for reimbursements. I'm proud of us.
Also - in the next couple of weeks the refinance of our house should go through - meaning that we'll have no house payment in December (more savings) and lower house payments in the future. Yay!
I'm starting to think that IVF in march isn't quite as much of a pipe dream as I thought. We can do it.
As of right now, we have saved approximately $9,000 of the $12-14,000 in cash we'll need to be able to pay in February for the March IVF cycle. The rest of it will be reimbursed buy 2 different Health savings accounts I have and what I hope will be a sizable tax return. So we'll have a bunch of cash to pay - and a couple of nearly maxed out credit cards for a month or two while waiting for reimbursements. I'm proud of us.
Also - in the next couple of weeks the refinance of our house should go through - meaning that we'll have no house payment in December (more savings) and lower house payments in the future. Yay!
I'm starting to think that IVF in march isn't quite as much of a pipe dream as I thought. We can do it.
11 November 2010
Something new
This is my first attempt at something like this, so let me know if you like it, and if you'd like to see more of them.
08 November 2010
Blogoversary
A year ago today I wrote my first blog post here. I thought that this space was going to be something I could use to share my recipes, and post photographs, and try and find my creative side again.
A year ago today, I was not so happily dealing with the fact that I still wasn't pregnant, and feeling like a failure because what I wanted was a baby, it just wasn't something I seemed to be able to do.
A year ago today, I didn't really have any idea of what the next year had in store for me.
Today, this blog has become a touchstone for me, and is very different than what I pictured. There have been recipes, and photographs, and occasionally some writing that I'm really proud of. There have also been tears, and fear, and facing some of the biggest dragons of my life - and because of this blog, and the people who are out there reading it, I wasn't alone.
Today I look back at the me of a year ago, and I wish I could tell her:
Today, I'm trying to find my way out of the depression that has stolen much of my energy over the last couple of months. I can look back at my blogging and see where I started to spiral away from myself. Coming back here to write is maybe one of the first signs that the medication is starting to work, and that I am returning to myself again. I won't lie, this has been hard, and I'm not always good at it, but I am a better, richer, more loved, and more aware person than I was, a year ago today.
A year ago today, I was not so happily dealing with the fact that I still wasn't pregnant, and feeling like a failure because what I wanted was a baby, it just wasn't something I seemed to be able to do.
A year ago today, I didn't really have any idea of what the next year had in store for me.
Today, this blog has become a touchstone for me, and is very different than what I pictured. There have been recipes, and photographs, and occasionally some writing that I'm really proud of. There have also been tears, and fear, and facing some of the biggest dragons of my life - and because of this blog, and the people who are out there reading it, I wasn't alone.
Today I look back at the me of a year ago, and I wish I could tell her:
You are strong enough for what life has handed you. It's okay to be afraid and disappointed, because that's certainly going to happen. and it's okay to feel let down, and to shake your fist at the gods and ask "Why me?"
As alone as you may feel, you're not, because Jakobe is there - trying to hold you up and you will return the favor, because you can always lean on the people in your life, and because the travelers on this road with you know how bumpy and rutted the path is - they've skinned their knees as they've fallen - but together dust yourselves off and take the next steps.
Today, I'm trying to find my way out of the depression that has stolen much of my energy over the last couple of months. I can look back at my blogging and see where I started to spiral away from myself. Coming back here to write is maybe one of the first signs that the medication is starting to work, and that I am returning to myself again. I won't lie, this has been hard, and I'm not always good at it, but I am a better, richer, more loved, and more aware person than I was, a year ago today.
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